We saw the funny side of it, of course, once I had my hands around his throat.

[reddragdiva]

And it's raining ... raining in my house. I suspect we've fallen into a BBC1 sitcom about a poly V.

Yesterday morning, the plumber came around to fix the leaky water tank in the ceiling, which supplies the toilet and the bathroom cold taps — the ballcock was defective, so it was overflowing continuously. (I am amazed water still isn't metered in London. This cannot last.) All good so far.

Yesterday evening, arkady came over to help with the cleaning for the inspection Monday. We now have a wonderfully polished kitchen ... Around nine, we heard what sounded like a shower starting. I looked out the bedroom door and saw water cascading down through the ceiling just near the manhole.

We promptly went into emergency panic mode, throwing books and electrical items out the way of the water, which was pouring through in the hall, bathroom, kitchen, just outside the bedroom door and one end of the lounge. Thankfully it missed the bedroom and spare room, so the piles of computers were safe. Flowed a fair way into the lounge, though.

After a while, the bathroom light started going on and off by itself. Then redcountess got zapped touching the wall in the hall. In the kitchen, water was actually spouting out of the light switch. Arkady could see the wires in the hall wall — they don't seem to be insulated. I switched off the power.

We managed to call a plumber. I dashed around the other flats alerting the neighbours and ran around outside looking for the main valve — if there's one in the flat itself, it doesn't actually appear to be accessible. (No, it's not under the sink or in the bathroom.) The neighbours came over to help, but the main valve outside was encrusted in mud and appeared never to have been used ever. I must confess that Arkady was considerably more manly than me.

The emergency plumber arrived around eleven. He hoisted himself up through the manhole, battled through the shower straight into his face, found the stopcock by the light of a cigarette lighter and turned it off. This is how emergency plumbers earn their pay. "Do we shower you with money now?" I said when he'd caught his breath.

The other three flats in our block have all suffered water damage as well. Downstairs has only just moved in and done a pile of renovation. I think he's starting to realise just what a lemon he's landed himself with. Next door got water flowing along the joists, and downstairs next door got water flowing down the chimney and throughout his ceiling. He is spectacularly unhappy as he's just been doing his flat up to rent out. We've taken care to give our agent's details to all of them.

The ceiling is fucked, though the joists are solid so it's unlikely to collapse now the water's drained. The carpets are soaked, as is the bathroom, and will absolutely reek once they've dried. We can't turn on the central heating as the boiler has electrical ignition; we can't turn on the electricity until the walls and ceiling dry out enough.

The agent finally called back this morning and sent another plumber around. Friday's didn't fuck up, he just failed to notice that the pipe to the water tank was so corroded that proper functioning in the rest of the system was enough to burst it twelve hours later. (Being a lemon, fixing any one thing in the flat breaks five others.) This was comically demonstrated when I had my head up through the manhole as the second plumber was showing me what had gone wrong, he tapped the pipe, it came out again and showered me with water. Arkady said it was material for Funniest Home AVIs.

Our flat presently has no electricity and no working toilet. We'll be looking to break the lease on the grounds of being unfit for habitation. (I think they'll have trouble coming up with a convincing reason to take any of our bond.) I also have a nasty feeling that getting the emergency plumber fee out of the agent will be like pulling teeth. He begged off coming around today and will be around Monday morning. By then an electrician should be able to inspect and condemn the place.

Liz and I are now sitting in Arkady's lounge. (Liz has posted too.) I am sipping gulping a cup of coffee with two shots of vodka in for medical reasons. I'm currently plotting to find who is writing this sitcom so as to strangle them.

Comments

[juliann.livejournal.com]

They should be paying for your accomodation while you are unable to live there, at the very least rent rebate from the time that this occured.

I'm told that small claims court in this country is delightfully easy, no solicitors are allowed so it's just filing documents (take lots of photos! keep a written log with dates, times and expenses) and then if the other side doesn't cave, a simple questioning by a judge of both sites.

If nothing else, the threat of it might make them pay up.

Terribly sorry to hear the troubles :(

[juliet]

If things get hairy with the agent, try the Citizens' Advice Bureau - they can assist (for free) with the small claims court, & will also have information on your legal position currently.

BTW, some water in London is metered - we have a meter on this place, & will be getting one installed in New House (we don't own a dishwasher, take showers rather than baths, & in general are water-conscious, so save significantly by having metered water).

small claims court

[ewx.livejournal.com]

I would practically bet on most letting agents being too incompetent to file a defence or turn up, too.

[megabitch.livejournal.com]

You can opt for a meter if you think it will be a better idea for you (ie, cheaper). But once you've chosen to have one, you can't back out. I vaguely recall mutterings about all new builds requiring meters, BICBW on that.

Re: small claims court

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

First parsed as "Small Clowns Court". A propos.

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

Well, when one is using words like "ballcock" and "manhole", one expects hilarity to ensue.

[korenwolf.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty damm sure you can start small claims stuff online these days http://www.moneyclaim.gov.uk (http://www.moneyclaim.gov.uk) appears to be it.

[reddragdiva]

I'm surprised any water isn't metered in the UK. Britain is much hotter than previously, and London's water consumption is much greater. In Australia, it's all metered and summer restrictions are the norm. Britain is not the underpopulated land of rain and cold it used to be.

[girfan.livejournal.com]

Take photos...lots of photos. I don't suppose you had time to take any while the water was pouring down?

[reddragdiva]

Bugger! No, I didn't. (We were busy panicking instead.) I may photograph extensively tomorrow though.

[ashbet]

Oh, forfucksake :(

I had that problem in an apartment that I used to live in (it flooded no less than three times), twice with, er, 'grey water' from the flat above) . . . I did manage to break the lease with no penalty, hope that you can do the same . . .

-- A <3

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

Urgh. This isn't Evil House bukkake (http://www.livejournal.com/users/the_geoffrey/395.html), it's Evil House scat play. Sounds like no fun at all. Good thing nobody was electrocuted. I hope you get out of the lease quickly and easily.

[juliet]

According to the Thames Water website you can usually switch back at the end of the first year if you don't like it, but after that you (or subsequent occupiers) are stuck with it.

I sincerely hope all new builds *do* require meters - I think they should be standard everywhere.

[reddragdiva]

I see you have an excellent grasp (fnarr fnarr) of BBC1 Light Entertainment.

[andricongirl.livejournal.com]

agh! I understand this situation completley
yeah take photos of damage if you can.
i forgot to when we had a inside rainstorm earlier in the year, I wish I had. and the owners just didnt seem to understand how bad it was :\
bad landlords suck big hairys :\

[hellsop.livejournal.com]

Hell of a way to run a weekend.... Plumbing Bastards everywhere.

And brandy's much better in coffee than vodka.

Oh shit!

[severina-242.livejournal.com]

Hugs to you all - having lived in dodgy-houses-r-us myself before, I understand completely. Kick that Landlords arse as hard as humanly possible!!!!!

[(Anonymous)]

I'm trying to compose myself here, but dammit Dave you've made it too funny!!! What a spectacular occasion for a pun, I must say. It's all horrendous, however, and until the time comes when you, Liz and buddies are ensconsed in a chateau overlooking a lake, drinking tres expensive liquor and getting smashed grandly, what you're in right now and what will shortly follow is horrendous. Egads! Water should most certainly not ejaculate from a light switch. [Well, you WOULD move to London. Note: a few years ago the Tate would have given you a prize for this impressive piece of working art].

One horrendous or two

[(Anonymous)]

Just one, thanks. [Signed, anonymous user with a grammatical hang-up].

[vatine]

That'd depend...

Traditional Swedish coffee and vodka (adapted for UK):
+ Strong coffee (*really* strong, think espresso)
+ Vodka (decent vodka, you would want to be able to drink it neat)
+ 2 dl mug
+ Clean 2p coin

Drop the 2p coin into the mug. Pour coffee until you cannot see the coin.
Top up with vodka until you can see the coin clearly.
Top up with coffee until it is occluded again.

Drink.
(easier measure would be 3/4 coffee 1/4 vodka, roughly)

[reddragdiva]

BTW, our house is still unfit to receive visitors. I'll be going over this afternoon to see if it appears safe to switch the power on again ...

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

You poor guys - I already posted on arkady's journal, but you do seem to be having a terrible run of bad luck!

I'd recommend finding your rental contract and going through it with a highlighter pen, marking up all relevant clauses to 'fit for habitation' and 'reimbursement of bills', before scheduling an urgent meeting with your landlord/letting agent.

[tamaranth.livejournal.com]

certainly not underpopulated. But as for the rest ...
Big sympathies. Not a great time of year for it either: hope all gets sorted soon!