(maniacal laughter, flash of lightning, roar of thunder)

THE LAPTOP WORKS! It boots and we can log in! 233MHz and 96 megabytes of IBM Thinkpad 560X 2640-700!

Of course, there is the minor detail that (a) it's running OpenBSD (which is a damn good sign as it indicates highly standard hardware) (b) there are two accounts, root and test (c) test isn't in wheel. So I might just have to go hunting for 'sploits against OpenBSD 3.3!

It's missing a network card. Spare PCMCIA Ethernet, anyone?

*pint*s of glory to mstevens for bringing this boon into our lives!