And in the safety of the night we all go quiet as a mouse.

• Go ask the chairman of Sony BMG about rootkits on CDs and what Sony will be trying next.

• Best never to let your mobile out of your sight.

• Mind you, you can send a wonderful message to landlines. New voicemail message?

• Hell yes. (courtesy dennyd)

• OH DEAR GOD YES PLEASE. (courtesy beckyzoole)

• Important life lessons from Accident & Emergency. "Now I know, who among us hasn't thought wistfully of doing that but it turns out that it's not a good idea."

A Nice Night Down The Dev with arkady last night. My goodness it was quiet. (So no pics.) Tonight and Thursday I do nice home-type stuff. Friday, Bauhaus!

And how have you been today?

I've always thought of myself as the Oscar Wilde of dick jokes.

I have won Writer of the Month on Uncyclopedia!

David Gerard. What needs to be said about this extraordinary person? He lived life to the fullest. He scaled Everest and swam the Marianas. He piloted a kayak through the rivers of the Yukon with naught but a broken compass to guide him. Now he sits in a nursing home: Alzheimer's has rotted his brain to such an extent that he no longer recognizes himself as the WotM-winning author of Voice Chat, Fountainhead Earth and X Window System.

I can't tell you how pleased this makes me. I'm even happier than when I helped get John Gohde kicked off Wikipedia the second and third times.

To celebrate, I have posted a new article: UnNews:UK welfare Mutual Obligation reform. Written by abigailb, posted to Uncyclopedia and extended somewhat by me.