Naomi sucks out brains of all newspaper readers for 500 mile radius.

RAREFIED HEIGHTS, City of Stupe, Tuesday (U! News) — Supermodel Naomi Campbell has pleaded guilty to a charge of obnoxious idiocy at Manhattan Criminal Court in New York.

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Airport worker sent home in crucifix row.

FLIGHT PATH, Heathrow, Friday (UNN) — British Airways has banned a staffer from openly displaying her crucifix at work.

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Dutch party bans poisoning politicians.

AMSTERDAM, (Reuters) — The Dutch Party for Porkbarrelling, which entered parliament for the first time last November, has forbidden the laying of poison to deal with an infestation of lobbyists in its offices.

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