London cardboard box sells for £170,000.

"The market holds limitless potential," says real estate agent Jason Scum.

WATERLOO, London, Monday — A cardboard box roughly the size of a snooker table has gone on sale for £170,000 in London's upmarket Waterloo Station area in Southwark. The former kitchen cooking range shipping box measures 11ft by 7ft by 4ft, and includes DSL broadband and a Sky TV dish.

The box is located in the former Cardboard City area near Waterloo Station. "It's gone way upmarket since the 1990s," said agent Jason Scum, associate director at Wrongmove and Bastard. "We expect the value to only appreciate." It is expected to attract buyers due to its close proximity to the fashionable bars, shops, leisure facilities and fetish clubs nearby.

In fact, the £170,000 price tag may make it one of the most affordable properties in the area. UK house prices rose by 10.5% during 2006, with Daily Mail readers continuing to be smug arseholes.

"We're looking into converting other nearby cardboard boxes, and possibly getting some made up specially with the Sky dish and broadband connections already fitted," said Scum.

• Jason Scum "Lovely little shitbox, sir — no, the turds are a feature". Die Real Estate Shitbag, January 22, 2007

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Uncyclopedia, CC by-nc-sa 2.0. This is what I get for glancing at BBC News for even a moment.

Giant UFO seen at O'Hare Airport, aliens pissed at delays.

The aliens' Spaceoflot Tu-154A space plane.

O'HARE, Chicago, Tuesday (Space.Com) — A huge unidentified flying object has landed at O'Hare Airport, Chicago. The travellers disembarked and were promptly whisked into Immigration, where they have been queueing since Monday afternoon, having been unable to produce valid RFID biometric American passports.

ALIEN: I am Lord Xenu the Conqueror! Let me through and take me to your leader!

IND: We must process you, sir, for security of our homeland against terrorist invaders. You're not from ... the middle East, are you?

ALIEN: Dare you mock me, puny Earthling? I could destroy your entire planet with hydrogen bombs around every volcano!

IND: Oh ... oh. You said the "B" word. I'm terribly, terribly sorry for the full cavity search you are about to receive. So goddamn sorry.

ALIEN: HOW DARE YOU! TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME! I GIVE THE ANAL PROBES AROUND HERE!

The processing is not expected to go well by either side.

President George W. Bush offered his "high welcome to our space brothers, who can now learn about democracy and Jesus from us as they've had the fantastic good fortune to land in the United States of America." Canada has offered the aliens entry at Toronto, with the enticing offer of a greater possibility of intelligent life.

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Uncyclopedia, CC by-nc-sa 2.0. Some IP created a really shit article with this rather good title. So I dashed this off.

Microsoft shoot own foot off AGAIN.

Seen this? Press has been running hot. Here's to journalists who want replies by email!

Update: Edited version, per the draft press link below. I've been exchanging (or, at my end, Gmailing) mail back and forth with the guys at Microsoft who thought this was a good idea. It's been fascinating. I think the OOXML article will suck much less henceforth, which is something at least. I also explained conflict of interest.

( In which I detail what happens when you get caught shilling. )

I say "disappointed" because I know lotsa people who work for Microsoft and don't pull dumb shit like this.

Note the INCREDIBLY SUBTLE begging for cash to, er, do whatever the hell we like with. ("Pay us directly for neutral well-referenced articles!") The recent fundraiser netted $1 million, not the $1.5 million we needed. If you want to know how that much money can be a serious shortfall, you try running a top-10 site with no ads that pumps out 150 megabytes each and every second. Argh.

The above is being shaped into a Wikimedia press release as well. Draft. Ideas welcomed.