King of Kalifornia.

• "Yo mama" jokes were invented 3500 years ago.

• Rocknerd: Get lost. Don't lie.

Last Saturday afternoon, arkady and I went down the pub together without a small child in tow to drink copiously with eithin and kindjourneys. (The steak at the Red Lion is bloody brilliant. Recommended.) It snowed. I mean, SNOW!!!ed. Sunday morning Freda and I went into the back yard to play with snow properly. The very first thing she did was throw a snowball at me. At the age of 45, I made my first snowman! Or snow cat, anyway. Freda admired it, then squashed it. Of course.

Freda's grandparents are visiting in June and we want her to be at least safe in water, so she's going for swimming lessons every Friday evening (the only slot we could get) ... after PE at school in the afternoon. The lessons are going great, and it appears also to be a fabulously effective method of actually wearing her out to sleep.

Chalga is possibly the worst pop genre ever, and that's a subject I have considerable expertise in. "What's the difference between chalga videos and porn? Porn has better music."

Attempting to do useful things at work with Ant continues. (Every domain-specific language that the fool designer lets become Turing-complete eventually evolves into brainfuck.) We have until the end of this month for everything to be not merely done, but tested and reliable. In a related incident, I learned that having two completely different files called test.config.properties and test-config.properties (per different unrelated naming standards) is a bad idea.

I have taught Freda how to play Bejeweled. I will never see my phone again.