Ah read her diary on her sheets.

[reddragdiva]

Malaise sarcaustik has few good words for Keira Knightley's acting. I can't say I've noticed. Mmmm, eye candy. I picture a movie starring Keira Knightley in a white corset and Kate Beckinsale in a black one. We'll call it Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One. Plot ideas, anyone?

Update: 15-rated at most, no nudity. Creativity, please!

Update 2: Now a major motion picture!

Comments

[minigoth.livejournal.com]

I'm sure any plot ideas on that particular movie will be rather smutty...

[siani-hedgehog.livejournal.com]

they do stuff in the corsets, then take 'em off.

[fluffymormegil.livejournal.com]

Plot? What plot?

[reddragdiva]

To avoid EVERY comment saying this, I've updated the requirements ;-p

[fluffymormegil.livejournal.com]

OK, Keira and Kate run around doing action-movie-chick stuff in their corsets and exchanging long smouldering looks and maybe saliva.
Oh, and then Kate turns Keira into a vampire.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_nicolai_/]

The film can center on iterative attempts to discover how much cleavage you can get away without it being rated 15.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

How about Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One, On A Plane?

[reddragdiva]

Shh! Don't give away the sequel!

[vatine]

Oooh! Oooh! Me! Me! I know! <fx type="waves hand">

It starts with flashbacks to two young girls entering Big Scary Official Building, one dressed in white, one in black.

Then we see Kate & Kiera walk towards each other, dressed in corsetry, weapons drawn.

Another flashback, K & K are practicing something, still in signature white & black. We try to establish taht they're SooperSikkrit Agents.

Back to "now", K & K have a long drawn-out hand-to-hand combat scene and it ends up with them being emotional and re-befriend each other.

Flashback again, to a betrayal. This might actually be better just before the emotional befriending in the combat scene.

They are now great friends. Slow-dancing in corsets, to violins and candle-light.

Big Menacing Hulk of A Bloke threatens their newfound domestic bliss. The girls go forth to kick Menacing-Bloke Arse.

End with K & K in black/white skimpy designer bathing suits on a sun-drenched beach.

Roll credits.

With enough budget, you could probably spin that to 1h30, almost suitable for a commercial-infested 2h-slot on telly and flog a DVD with juicy extras (the occasional corset pop-out, say), for the 18+ market. A bonus would be atht you can probably make sure there's No explicit Kissing Or Strictly Speaking Immodest Touching on-screen, so there'd be no reason to not showing it. All lesbianism would be neatly in the mind of the viewer. Taht'd upset suitably right-wing born-agains...

[damned-colonial.livejournal.com]

Damn, I was going to say that.

[reddragdiva]

Oh Ghod. I think you've got it.

[jhaelan.livejournal.com]

[vatine]

I've seen enough Hollywood flicks to know (roughly) what comprises the main ingredients. After that, it just needs tweaking on the "in-joke" and "implied sexual ``deviancy''" knobs.

[siani-hedgehog.livejournal.com]

heh.
oh, alright then.

can it have Johnny Depp in, in that case?

[ladykathryn.livejournal.com]

Plot? What means this, plot? When there's Kate Beckinsdale in a black corset, plot flies out the window. (Underworld is a most excellent example of this.) Maybe, if plot is required, Keira Knightley had best wear the black corset.

[ladykathryn.livejournal.com]

You forgot the girls kissing part!

[reddragdiva]

Nah. We can do a spinoff movie, Johnny Depp In A Corset.

[siani-hedgehog.livejournal.com]

i think i'd prefer the r rated version. Johnny Depp in Nothing.

[vatine]

I didn't, actually. I wanted to keep it as clean as possible from something that could be construed as an Actual Sexual relationship. Keep it at body-to-body waltzing in candle-light, as it were.

[reddragdiva]

Indeed. They're just, er, housemates, practicing their dancing. For unspecified future male partners. Of course.

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

I knew there was a reason I hated Underworld.

Sorry, but in my opinion using cheesecake or explosions (or both) to cover up a badly written or executed story actually makes the shit stink worse.

Must be the actor in me.

[reddragdiva]

This is like complaining seriously that Britney Spears isn't nearly as good as J.S. Bach.

[vatine]

Don't forget that them making a camper van shake is due to them being... emotional and shaking while hugging and crying. Yep, that's the ticket. Friends. Close friends, because they're Sooper-Sikkrit Aygents! together ("super-secrete agents"?").

[ladykathryn.livejournal.com]

Possibly, or it might just be sensible.

(I only watched half of Underworld, and don't recall what the story line was supposed to be.)

[siani-hedgehog.livejournal.com]

or even better: Jonny Depp in My Bed.

[miss-soap.livejournal.com]

Bach wouldn't look nearly so good in those leather trousers though... him being dead and all.

Sorry, brain's still in Keira/Kate/corset-space.

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

Keira and Kate are relaxing (as much as one can relax in a corset) and drinking tea in the mansion of one or the other's rich father.

Minions arrive and riddle the mansion with automatic firearms before setting off an explosion that kills the father of whichever one is the host.

The ladies dig themselves from the rubble without a scratch on them. They've got strategically placed smudge marks to simulate "injuries". Their hair is sufficiently mussed and tossled to look more like they've just shagged instead of being at the focal point of an explosion. Needless to say, their attire is torn and ragged except for the corsets. These, of course, are clean and without marr.

Vengeance is vowed and the ladies set about searching out the ones who sent the disposable minions after them. They look sexy and sultry as they do moves impossible in the attire they are wearing and leave an impressive body count.

The trail leads the girsl to discover that the villainous masterminds are Helena Bonham Carter and Kate WInslet. Those two had set about to snuff Keira and Kate because there wasn't anymore room in the "I can't act but I look hot in corsets." club.

A four-way chickfight ensues and involves all four getting drenched in water to ensure even more male hormones explode in the theater during the viewing.

The villainesses are dispatched and the heroines walk off screen arm in arm. The final line will be Kate saying to Keira, "Nice boots, by the way."

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

Not really. Bach was probably a better singer.

[reddragdiva]

At this point you need to offer fanfic. What colour corset would your Mary-Sue character be wearing?

[ruthi.livejournal.com]

Red.

[theemptied.livejournal.com]

Mortal enemies from high school, we see them catfighting in the beginning of the movie. Lucky for us it's Catholic high school.

Meeting by chance at Spring break in Cancun, they finally get their chance at revenge upon each other in a large pit filled with gelatin.

Halfway through the movie, they change to thongs and mens white dress shirts and have at each other with firehoses.













What?

[shadowdaddy.livejournal.com]

Hm.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Nope, can't do it.

Every scenario I come up with, the major plot crisis ends up being about who is on top.

The resolution is most pleasant, however.

[theemptied.livejournal.com]

Helena Bonham Carter can't act? Did you miss Fight Club and Planet of the Apes?

Any actress who can make an ape sexy is OK in my book.

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

Update: 15-rated at most, no nudity. Creativity, please!

Oh shit, there goes my "get David Lynch (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000186/) to write and direct it" suggestion. :-(

[en-ki.livejournal.com]

They're on this plane, see, and there are some snakes...

[drzero.livejournal.com]

Then there's ...

Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One, On A Train?

and...

Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One, meet Doctor Seuss?

But this is silly, there is no use.

[damned-colonial.livejournal.com]

No no, you're missing the point.

SNAKES ON A PLANE.

[ruthi.livejournal.com]

It came to me this morning:
Keira and Kate escape from an oppressive Catholic orphanage (Harsh nuns! cold shared dormitories! Snuggling together for warmth at night in white, very worn, nightdresses!)
They go to the Big City, where they have adventures (clubs! bars! dubious men making dubious offers!) And finally make it and open their own business, designing corset-mounted weaponry!


At first I thought they designed corsets, but corsetry and weapons is sexier than just corsets.