The keyboard has been drinking.

[reddragdiva]

The keyboard has been drinking
My Bluetooth set's asleep
The tech team went back to New York, and left me all alone
The server has to take a leak
Have you noticed that the carpet needs a haircut?
And the monitor looks just like a prison break
And the telephone's out of cigarettes
As usual the mail server's on the make
And the keyboard has been drinking, heavily
The keyboard has been drinking
And he's on the hard stuff tonight

The keyboard has been drinking
And you can't find your NetApp
Even with the Geiger counter
And I guarantee you that it will hate you
From the bottom of its RAID
And all of your friends remind you
That you just can't get served without it
The keyboard has been drinking

The keyboard has been drinking
And the webmaster's blind in one eye
And he can't see out of the other
And the NT admin's got a hearing aid
And he showed up with his mother
And the keyboard has been drinking
Without fear of contradiction I say
The keyboard has been drinking

Our Father who art in Heaven
Hallowed be thy glass
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done
On Earth as it is in the office
Give us this day our daily splash
Forgive us our hangovers
As we forgive all those who continue to hangover against us
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver from evil and someone you must all ride home

Because the keyboard has been drinking
And he's your friend not mine
Because the keyboard has been drinking
And he's not my responsibility

The security guard's this Sumo wrestler
Kinda cream puff Casper Milquetoast
And the CEO's just a mental midget
With the I.Q. of a fencepost
I'm going down, hang onto me, I'm going down
Watch me skate across an acre of nylon Axminster
I know I can do it, I'm in total control
And the keyboard has been drinking
And he's embarassing me
The keyboard has been drinking, he raided his mini bar

The keyboard has been drinking
And the Aerons are all on fire
And all the news sites were just fooling
And Slashdot has retired
And I've got a feeling that the keyboard has been drinking
It's just a hunch
The keyboard has been drinking and he's going to lose his lunch
And the keyboard has been drinking
Not me, not me
The keyboard has been drinking
Not me

Comments

[ptomblin-lj.livejournal.com]

You're no Tom Waits, but it'll do.

[reddragdiva]

I need voice lessons. *opens whisky*

[baljemmett.livejournal.com]

I hope you're planning on chewing on the shattered remains of the bottle once you've downed it... You're doomed to failure otherwise, I reckon.

As a random Tom Waits-related aside, the other night I found myself humming Blue Oyster Cult's Veteran of the Psychic Wars, looked it up on Wikipedia for a giggle and stumbled across the Bridge School Benefit for the first time. Last year appears to have featured Metallica and Tom Waits, amongst assorted other goodness and eye candy, so obviously I spent far too long watching YouTube clips of the event. Worth a look if you're a fan.

[rbradakis.livejournal.com]

Set to the tune of whatever whisky you're drinking, I'm sure.

[seahorsemystic.livejournal.com]

I think it's perfect. Hell, I am going to join you in a drink!

[heliumbreath.livejournal.com]

I had a job like that once, and had to stay sober enough for the commute because of a lack of non-driving options. Eventually I got a different gig. Probably better that way.

[sister-stella.livejournal.com]

Brilliant.
I have to show this to Heath. There are so many points of crossover to his particular call centre hell that I'm sure he'll get a kick out of it. Besides, this is a massaging of my favourite Tom Waits song ever.

[frogfarm]

I associate this more with Dan Hicks, but nonetheless, word.