Hold your horses.

[reddragdiva]

I am bored shitless at work. As such, I leave this post's contents to my dear readers. You can supply the fascinating and lurid details of kinky sex practices.

• Tell us a lurid tale.
• How do you make a really winning cup of tea?
• What is your personal most tedious sexual act or position?

Comments

[arkady.livejournal.com]

Tell us a lurid tale.
Think you've heard most of mine.

How do you make a really winning cup of tea?
Get someone else to make it.

What is your personal most tedious sexual act or position?
All of them.

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

He said *us*, meaning people like me as well. I haven't heard anything lurid from you, and I dare say it's time you justified your reputation.

[rufus.livejournal.com]

first start with decent tea, such as Earl Gray or Irish Breakfast. Boil water and pour over two teabags, let steep five minutes. add cream and sugar to taste, sprinkle with cinnamon.

[ewx.livejournal.com]

I have a separate identity for lurid tales.

Ordinary teabag (NOT Earl Grey or suchlike), pour boiling water on it, remove immediately, add milk.

[allezbleu.livejournal.com]

most tedious sexual act
telling them theyre a greeat shag over and over again afterwards :P

[reddragdiva]

Remembering their name to call.

[nisaba.livejournal.com]

1. I'm far too boring to be lurid.

2. Throw all the tea away. Get some fresh coffee from the coffee god in Cambridge markets, grind it, make coffee.

3. Changing the bedsheets/couch covers/tablecloths/rugs

[http://users.livejournal.com/_nicolai_/]

1. Far too sensible to admit it in this company, more like.

2. You'll never be English, will you?

3. Isn't that what your minion is for?

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

1. Do I look like the sort of girl to kiss and tell? Hmmm?

2. Just found the most fantastic teabags - they're called 'London Cuppa' and are a blend of Kenya and Assam. Proper strong coppery tea, perfect with milk and one!

3. I'm not sure I've ever found a sexual act I didn't like.
Except for possibly gaving handjobs to the sort of men who never seem to come and it takes hours and my arm falls off. You know the type.

[allezbleu.livejournal.com]

im so glad im not alone on that one!

[steer.livejournal.com]

1) I have never done anything lurid -- I lead a simple and blameless life...

2) I don't make tea well either.

3) Woman lying on her back on the bed, man in living room playing with Java Mirco Edition... Apparently it is only good for him and you hear about it for the next six months afterwards.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

I have never done anything lurid -- I lead a simple and blameless life...

*cough*

[phelyan.livejournal.com]

Winning cuppa? Pour milk in mug, warm it up in the microwave. Put in the tea bag, then boil the water. Pour hot water into mug, leave for 5 minutes (do not stir), remove tea bag, squeeze it out into the mug.

As for tedious sex... I guess any sex in the last 4 months of my last relationship...

[duranorak.livejournal.com]

What is your personal most tedious sexual act or position?
Any one where the other person is actively trying to give me pleasure. I have kicked people in the head for this before, although only when they didn't listen to "For god's sake will you please stop? This really isn't getting anywhere."
Tsk. Humans.

E.
x

[booklectica]

That reminds me, will email you some interview questions.

[gths.livejournal.com]

1. I probably can't think of anything lurid enough.

2. Boil some water straight from the tap into the jug and set to boil.

If it's a cold day, while the kettle or jug or whatevers doing its work, turn the hot water tap on and let it run until some hot water actually comes out, and pour a little into the teapot (stainless steel, preferably) and the cups and swish to warm them up.

As the jug comes to the boil, empty the teapot, put some tea* into the pot, a heaped teaspoon for each person plus one for the pot, then pour the freshly boiled water on top, close the pot (and put a cozy over it, if need be), then futz about with something else for a couple of minutes while the tea draws.

(* - Not bloody Earl Grey either, who the fuck wants their tea to taste like carp? [not a typo] )

Come back, empty the cups (because they should be warm now, right?) pour a splash of milk in each cup according to each persons taste, rotate the teapot three times and then pour the tea onto the milk through a strainer. Not the other way around; in that case, the relative ocean of very hot tea will scald the first few drops of milk dropping into it, whereas, when done properly, the milk is heated up more gradually as the tea is poured in. It's all physics, man!

Serve with lamingtons or Anzacs or Iced Vo-Vos or Tim-Tams or whatever. Be sure to daintily insult anyone who wants sugar or, worse, artificial sweetener in their cup of tea.

3. Distracting the other person so one can surreptitiously put the roofies in their Red Bull and vodka.

[ergotia.livejournal.com]

1 I guess that would have to be the thing with the snails - although the swinging from the door frame thing was pretty bizarre - and the thing with the balloons surprised me - how long have you got anyway?

2 use leaf tea in a mix of two parts English breakfast to one part of Earl Grey. Make it in a pot and warm the pot first. Use semi - skimmed milk.

3 Trying to play with someone who wont negotiate, because they want me to use the psychic powers all tops have and "just know"

[reddragdiva]

As long as you need ;-)

I knew someone who let snails crawl over her armpit during sex. She counted that for the 'bestiality' point on the purity test.

[gruamach.livejournal.com]

* Tell us a lurid tale.

This one time, at band camp....

Ok, here's one. One nice, innocent sci-fi con, I actually had "sexual relations" with three lovely women in an 8-hour period. (only actually had sex with two of them). So much for the stereotypical fandom geek who doesn't ever date women.

* How do you make a really winning cup of tea?

Know what restaurants to go to...

* What is your personal most tedious sexual act or position?

Believe it or not, "doggy style". 9 times out of 10, it just doesn't do anything for me.
The "sitting/standing up" variation is an excepetion, where the girl is more or less as verticle as she can be, thus able to turn kiss or at least nuzzle a bit.

[disastrid.livejournal.com]

lurid:

i'm not that lurid or interesting i'm afraid.

cuppa:

i don't think anyone has yet said that you have to WARM THE POT with boiling water (pour it in, slosh around, burn self, drop pot, put in tea bag, pour REBOILED water on top).

tedium:

69. i'm always afraid i'm going to bite down or something.

[gths.livejournal.com]

You were going so well until you mentioned teabag.

[silentq.livejournal.com]

* It was a dark and stormy afternoon, the rain coming down in sheets and buckets, heck, in whole laundry closets. Our Hero was dashing to her car, hotly followed by a growling and snapping rottweiler, when all of a sudden she pulled up short. She didn't have her keys! A quick roll over the hood, teeth snapping at her bare heels (shoes long lost in a puddle of gore), and she elbowed the side window open and dove in. But not fast enough! The huge jaws of her pursuer locked around her calf and she was dragged, kicking, punching, slashing, screaming, back into the torrential downpour. The mangy dog ripped into her, one long-clawed paw digging into her shoulder as his hideously strong jaws made short work of her throat. The only sound, after a few frantic moments, was the dripping of rain and the chewing of gristle.

* Empty out the kettle, fill it with fresh water from the Brita, boil. Swish some hot water around in the pot. Put a dollop of honey and then loose leaf tea in the pot, amount to taste and volume, add boiling water. Steep for 3 minutes. Put a dollop of milk and a dollop of alcohol into a cup, then strain the tea into it.

* Anytime either party isn't fully enjoying themselves

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Lurid: the most lurid thing I can see at the moment is the wallpaper.

Tea: Keemun, people. None of this darjeeling blend stuff. Where are your imaginations?
Also the best iced tea: Make one strong small cup of rose pouchong. Throw this and ice into a glass at exactly the same time. Top up with FILTERED water, none of this limescaley crap that turns to scum. Add a small slice of lemon and a spoonful of demerara sugar and stirstirstir until the sugar is dissolved. That is perfect. Never drink iced tea from Garfunkel's, their routine consists of: take one cup Tetley's, add ice, the end. Eurgh.

Tedious sex: woman on top. The sex bit is fine; I get bored of my knees saying "ow, please stretch your legs, ow, please stretch your legs" over and over.

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Addendum: woman on top if the other person is a man. I need to get out more.

[greap.livejournal.com]

Tell us a lurid tale.

Reason why sleeping with geeks is a good thing: When your done you lie there are spend the next couple of hours desigining a class that describes the experiance.

How do you make a really winning cup of tea?

Drink coffee instead. Particularly Jamaican Blue Mountain.

What is your personal most tedious sexual act or position?

Recieving oral sex. Its boring.

Can't resist!

[tals.livejournal.com]

Tell us a lurid tale.

*g* Once there was a bedroom full of people. A girl on one side was going down on a boy, whilst on my other side her brother was sat saying "I can't believe I'm watching this", whilst two nice boys were wriggling around on top of me. Lots of other stuff was happening too. That was a reasonably good night. (nb: Names removed to protect sweet innocent me who didn't even arrange that night. No,really).


How do you make a really winning cup of tea?

Boil kettle. Aim teabag roughly at mug. Pour water on. Add milk / sugar as required. Throw teabag away. *shrug* works for me. Now, Black Russians, THAT'S an art form...


What is your personal most tedious sexual act or position?

Being *expected* to come. Sometimes I don't, sometime I multiple orgasm. But having people expect me to and working at it like hell really does kill it as far as I'm concerned. And yes, sometimes your arm _will_ drop off before you make me come. Other times I'll be spurting all over the place in seconds (pardon my Estonian). Doesn't mean I'm not enjoying it either way...

Re: Can't resist!

[reddragdiva]

I'm sure there's no-one reading this who could possibly comment on that.

a lurid tale

[ladykathryn.livejournal.com]

Once upon a time, there was an old woman who couldn't, or wouldn't match her outfits. She would wear chartreuse with chardonnay, lupine with loden, and other alliterative atrocities. She also routinely let her bra strap show.
Also, she was a bit of a bitch and always smelled like wee, but that's immaterial to this lurid tale.
Finally, one boring Tuesday in June, she Went Too Far. She wore a puce muumuu with turqoise shoes. Her mailman was so distracted by this he dropped the letter bomb he was carrying, which promptly exploded. This painted her porch lurid shades of vermillion and crimson, which she noticed matched quite nicely. Thereafter, she was the picture of fashion in asylum white, and never wore chartreuse again.

oh right, tea and tedium

[ladykathryn.livejournal.com]

Make a perfect cup of tea: Heat some water. Pour into cup. Add tea leaves. Go away, do something else, come back. Add ice cubes. Chew.

Most tedious sexual activity/position: threesomes where you just sit there and wank while 2 other people go at it badly. I'd rather just watch porn, it's less messy.

[amon-zero.livejournal.com]

how is it that no-one has made a joke about teabagging yet?

i despair of the youth of today.

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

Tell us a lurid tale. Me, a lurid tale? Ok, but it won't be about me.

How do you make a really winning cup of tea? Find an englishperson.

What is your personal most tedious sexual act or position? Pretty much anything too frequent. Antidepressant side-effects and all. I don't have any problems if I'm given enough time between go's.

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Lurid tales? Any link my SO sends me. He finds some truly vile shit.

Warm the teapot and the mugs with hot water. Place an Irish Breakfast tea bag and an English breakfast tea bag in a large tea pot and pour boiling water over them. Steep for 5 minutes and drink from a very large mug with cream and brown sugar.

Tedious sex? Someone who is determined to make me come and takes it personally when I don't. It kills all the fun for me. I find 69 too distracting.

[wednesday]

If I reveal my lurid tales, I'll later discover that a gaggle of people have sat around and made fun of them. "She used ROPE! How incompetent!"

Cunnilingus-receptive is not merely tedious, it is roughly equivalent to addressing a massive itchy patch by trailing a feather over it. (Or, as many tend to do, brushing fingernail tips over it without using any significant pressure; I don't want to tickle the fucking thing, I want to scrape it off!) Waste of fucking time.

In this weather, the tea recipes vary tremendously. Below is the one for people who can't cope with a loose dried fruit tisane, or can only get to one of the Whittards shops which hide their tisane bags and run out at a pinch. It assumes a one litre teapot.

* Two heaping teaspoonfuls of a flavoured Ceylon; I'm using a pear and pomegranate one from Boston's Tealuxe, but the various berry teas from Whittards will probably do (that said, I don't know if they're Ceylons; when in doubt, err in the direction of an unflavoured Ceylon such as orange pekoe). Place in strainer basket.
* Six to ten bags of strawberry/raspberry or cherry (or both) Typhoo Fruit+Herb. Alternatively, four bagstrips of Sainsbury strawberry/raspberry/whateverelseberry will do. Twinings bags suck for this purpose and should not be allowed into the house. Ditto for the Tetley cranberry and summer berry bags, which have ginseng and throw the whole thing off.

Warm teapot (possibly unnecessary in this weather). Pour rapidly boiling water through strainer basket into teapot. Leave to steep for no longer than 90 seconds before extracting strainer pot; any longer will give a bitter edge to the tea. Then leave the fruit bags to steep for no less than fifteen minutes (I tend towards an hour, but it's not really necessary).

Pour over ice. Kick asses of people who think that this is not a valid beverage.

The obvious variation on this theme is a Fujian green pekoe and water brought barely to the boil, then allowed to fall just under the boiling point again (or, if you're me, the water gets to the just under point without the boiling process ever having to take place). Also, a lemongrass oolong with sweeter citrus tisane bags (or any of the sweeter berries) is a reasonable compromise.

[random-haze.livejournal.com]

Lurid? Hmm, I'm too sweet and innocent for that.

Well, my dad seems to think it's by leaving it in the other room til it's stewed and gone cold then bunging it in the microwave.
The only thing I do different than anyone else, because I have a lot of sugar, is to put the sugar in first, then a little water to make sure all the sugar dissolves, the the rest. But I don't make tea much.

It's only tedious if the other person isn't enjoying it. Or falls asleep, which has only happened once.

I'm bored at work, can you tell? ;)
Rambling on about tea and not having anything lurid to say can't be a good sign, can it?

[kest]

1) Four times last night and once this morning.

2) Nekkid.

3) Knees up around my ears and other such things that my hips weren't actually designed for.