Sex "cuts public speaking stress."

UNIVERSITY OF LOVE, Department of That's A Bit Bloody Convenient, Thursday (UNN Health and Efficiency) — Forget learning lines or polishing jokes — having sex may be the best way to prepare for giving a speech. Stuart Bomis, psychological researcher and sexual beast, has scientifically proven that sex helps keep stress at bay. As if that weren't obvious.

However, only penetrative intercourse did the trick — other forms of sex had no impact on stress levels at all. Science proves that proper stress relief requires a good, solid pounding, preferably from Dr Bomis.

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Lords consider mental health laws.

HOUSE OF LORDS, Lords Cricket Ground, Monday (UNN) — The House of Lords has begun a detailed consideration of proposals to introduce tougher mental health laws.

The new Labour government bill would allow the enforced detention of people who may vote in a strange and even demented manner, even if they have not committed any crime. It also suggests strengthening powers established in 1997 to ensure patients have re-educational therapy once they are released back into the community.

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