Disney's Tigger takes stern action against copyright violators.

DON'T COPY THAT FLOPPY. OR ELSE.

EPCOT OF BROKEN DREAMS, Orlando, Saturday (U! News) — A Disneyworld worker has been commended after punching a copyright-disrespecting visitor to the theme park. The Lessig family from New Hampshire were at the park in Florida when the valiant defender of creative rights, dressed in his Tigger® armor, dealt the iPod-toting music thief a killer blow to the head.

"iPods are normally considered a protected species in Disneyworld since Steve reverse-Borged us too," said the disembodied computer-hosted soul of Walt Disney, "but when we went over the corpse, we discovered this one had MP3s on it, not just music or video paid for in the proper legal supported manner from iTunes. So they were obviously stolen."

Walt's soul was decanted to a computer in 1966 so as to avoid his ever being declared actually dead, thus enabling him to avoid starting the ticker for copyright in his works to ever, ever run out. He claims the move also enhanced his emotional responses, at least as used for business sense.

The boy's father, Shawn "Fanning" Lessig, caught the incident on video, but was thankfully taken down by a hail of bullets from Piglet® as soon as trademarked and copyrighted Disney characters were imaged on his video camera.

• C.R. Milne "I shoulda got Kevin J. Anderson to write the sequels". The Hundred Acre Coke Bucket, January 8, 2007

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Uncyclopedia, CC-by-nc-sa 2.0. I blame Mhaille on #uncyclopedia for throwing Sky News URLs at me. I'm sure they try to write real news like fake news. And may I just say that I love the phrase "taken down by a hail of bullets from Piglet."

Bugger off: Uncyclopedia blocks posts from the United States.

ST. PETERSBURG, Florida, Thursday (Dissociated Press) — Web encyclopedia Uncyclopedia has deliberately, and with rancor, blocked people in the former American colonies from editing and contributing entries at least four times since November, computer logs from the site show.

Visitors were still permitted to read articles, in the vain hope of bringing them to awareness of their surroundings, but they weren't able to participate — a crucial condition for messing up a collaborative work whose core premise is to be funny and not just stupid, while not being too much of a dick about it.

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Seditious "historian" executed for terrorist jaywalking.

ATLANTA, Georgia, Saturday — The Georgia Bureau of Instigations today executed Felipe Brown-Foreigner, an alleged "historian" at a conference of freedom-hating seditionaries spreading vile agitatory falsehoods about the superior growth and achievements of the United States of America at a conspiratorial gathering of "historian" "cells." Brown-Foreigner, whose ancestors had been good honest Americans for only three generations, was executed for failing to stop in a sufficient number of milliseconds when caught flagrantly jaywalking outside the Hilton Hotel.

Professional confabulators and treacherous woodworm in the foundations of our national identity!

After being thrown on the ground and handcuffed, the former Oxford communist radical and author of nineteen works of vicious traitorous calumnies, was tasered, injected with tranquilisers and arrested. It took twenty-five policemen with batons fifteen minutes to subdue his violent histrionics, during which he shouted such anarchist revolutionary slogans as "Help! Help!" and "Murder!" His corpse, still radiating corrupting evil, was taken to the city morgue and thrown into a mass grave.

Other "historians" came to collect the corpse, or enquire as to Brown-Foreigner's welfare, which our noble peacekeeping force quite rightly took as having turned themselves in, guilty and ready to receive their due justice. Officials demanded a quite reasonable bail of only a thousand dollars for the tattered remains of Brown-Foreigner's mortal vessel. The filthy socialist cadres actually went so far as to demand the peace officer's identification and badge number, in an attempt to clog your government's functions by excessive liberal bureaucracy. This was, of course, turned down.

The weak, homosexual leftists of the "American Historical Association" even went so egregiously far as to pen a letter of protest to city officials for their correct action in the face of unconscionable violation of the social contract. The Atlanta police continued to monitor the conduct of these professional liars and confabulators; anyone caught crossing the street against the light was tasered to the ground and subdued appropriately.

The "American Historical Association" then tried to pass a resolution suggesting that our Holy Leader's mission of peace and justice in Iraq and Afghanistan was less than optimal in its overwhelming success. Fortunately, all were captured by the GBI and sent to the US Marine Corps' rest camp at Guantanamo Bay, where they are resting and recovering in the highest of spirits.

• J. McCarthy "Seditious Capitalism-Hating Traitors". Coca-Cola™ Congressional Record, January 6, 2007

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Uncyclopedia, CC-by-nc-sa 2.0. For great capitalist justice!