Whitley Strieber launches 'stylish' anal probe.

ROSWELL, New Mexico, Monday (UNN Science) — US alien abduction populariser Whitley Strieber has unveiled a sleeker and more stylish version of the controversial Anal Probe, an examination device favoured by visitors from other worlds, aimed at fashion-conscious members of the public.

Available in pink, blue, silver and black, the probe fits into a handbag like a mobile phone. It will be launched at a Las Vegas electronics fair on Monday. "The new device brings our life-enhancing technology into a new consumer-friendly form factor designed to provide a safer, effective means of personal cosmic enlightenment," said Strieber's good friend Art Bell.

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Microsoft announces new Z-Phone.

REDMOND, Seattle, Wednesday (UNN Technoporn) — Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer today announced a new era at the Seattle software company, announcing their entry six nine twelve months hence into the cell phone market with the exciting new Zune Z-Phone, to finally get the company properly into the rapidly changing digital media landscape.

Ballmer, speaking to a group of trained-monkey analysts and cynical bloggers at the company headquarters today, unveiled mockups prototypes of the Z-Phone, which combines the Zune music player (with wifi for "squirting" songs), a CDMA cell phone, a PDA, an eight gigabyte hard disk, a camera, a laser pointer and a bottle opener into one semi-portable device. It will also allow you to "squirt" music to and from your Windows Vista Service Pack 1 2 Media Center computer.

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