Laudanum for the modern child.

If opium was good enough for the Victorians, then telly is good enough for us, and that applies to Flash as well. It's GODDAMN CRACK for babies. We've been pacifying Freda with all sorts of fabulously suitable material:

• Weebl is the all-time winner. Blimp, Mango, Giraffe, Cucumbers, Marrow and of course Kenya. "Kenya" and "Cucumbers" are particular favourites of hers. You can now buy cuddly lions and tigers!

• Bad Ass Babies, courtesy ladystardust_xs. Her four-year-old loved it, Freda was mostly puzzled.

• The musical video delights of YouTube. Almost anything with music and moving images will pacify the little dears! Particular winners for Freda are the ukulele delights of Gugug.

Assume that your darling offspring is really pushing it. What works for you?