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[reddragdiva]

Ikea MALM beds? Just Say No. Ours broke last night at 2am, and we weren't even doing anything that would make it a good story. The central steel strut broke out of its screw holes. I have no idea how we're going to fix this thing. Last night we slept on the rather more stable (if too small) divan in the computer room.

We get signal. D-S-L! D-S-L! RAH! RAH RAH!

I desperately need incoming cash. Has anyone here successfully disguised several years' system administration to a sufficient degree to be considered for a job typing? Shit-hot audio typist here. I will also be signing on today.

Various other things have happened, but not everything goes here.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_nicolai_/]

Er, complain to IKEA? It's not very old as far as I remember, I mean it postdates your forced evacuation from the lemon flat.

[reddragdiva]

Yes, I think that will be happening ... in the meantime, we sleep wid da computors.

[siani-hedgehog.livejournal.com]

i must second that! we got an entire free second bed, *couriered to our door* when something similar happened to ours.

that being said, i've found most ikea furniture to be excellent quality, and had several items which lasted at least 20 years, and several house moves.

[jozafeen.livejournal.com]

They mentioned crap quality on 'IKEA Drives Me Crazy' (BBC2 last night) saying most of the stuff isn't designed to last as it's just cheap and fashionable.

I haven't even got as far as interview for a couple of more junior jobs I've applied for because I'm too skilled in a specialist job - I was after a career switch but can't even get into it at a lower level.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_nicolai_/]

I haven't actually watched that programme yet (my TiVo has half of it), but my general experience of IKEA furniture is that it lasts somewhat better than the average cheap flatpack. Certainly better than Argos or MFI flatpack furniture. However, that's damning it with rather faint praise. I'm not sure where one could get any sort of modular fits-most-any-room furniture that's built to last without going to the sort of company that fits out industrial premises.

[reddragdiva]

Thing is, the MALM came highly recommended by deathboy and miss_soap ... actually, I forget if Soap got hers before or after hours. Things like our coffee table are remarkably robust. I'm tempted to assemble the spare coffee table and see if we can't fit the two together as a bed.

[redcountess]

No, miss_soap ended up getting a different bed in the end (Hemnes?)

I'm really surprised that the quality is so crap - my Ikea bed in Melbourne was bought in '97 and I've never had a problem with it, save for one of the pine struts breaking and it being a bugger to move with.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't need to disguise it at all. Most agencies will test you for audio typing anyway.

Go down to Reed on Stratford Broadway (through the shopping centre and turn left) and ask to see Sue Farrelly. Tell her I recommended them. They'll make you jump through hoops a bit (typing test, MS Office tests) but basically if you can type 45+wpm copy or audio, they should be able to put you in fairly regular work. Probably only £8 - £10 an hour, but it still beats the dole.

[reddragdiva]

Ah, most useful. Thank you!

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

Better still, give them a ring and make an appointment - looks more professional.

[medusa.livejournal.com]

We have an Ikea bed as well and bad things keep happening to our slats as well. It is extremely disagreeable. :(

[http://users.livejournal.com/_nicolai_/]

If the frame is wood, use panel pins to tack the slats into place so they don't move about; that's useful on any bed.
Fixing slats on a metal-frame bed is left as an exercise :)

[medusa.livejournal.com]

We have a wooden frame but didn't tack the slats at all. Thr problem that we have is that they tend to snap under the slightest pressure and as I am nine months pregnant and my boyfriend is 6'4" that can be a bit of a problem! He seems to have solved it now by buying packs of wooden shelving of the same size and replacing the slats with 'panels', which seem to be holding up quite well so far. :)

[reddragdiva]

Mmm. I was actually surprised the flimsy slats didn't go first. That's 'cos we have a proper mattress on it ... from Argos! :-D

[medusa.livejournal.com]

Our ones are incredibly flimsy and have the join down the centre which means that they are really weak and liable to break. Our mattress is also from Ikea and isn't too bad to be honest but I can forsee disaster for that as well!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_nicolai_/]

Oh, that -is- a bit cack.
One problem I have noticed with slats is that if they're made of random-grade pine then a knot hole in the middle will mean they break at that point, unfortunately. I've had some luck replacing slats with carefully-chosen 1cmx3cm (x bed-width) pieces of wood from a DIY shop. I carefully chose pieces without any knots in the middle.
The flat panel idea sounds like a good one, though. Does it remove any tendency to creak? If so I may well do that on the bed in my spare room. I think the noise it makes puts couples who stay in it slightly off their stride :-)

[medusa.livejournal.com]

It is really useless! Our original slats are glued across the centre which makes them really weak and liable to snap in two which is a bit crap. The display ones look a lot more sturdy and I don't think they have any discernable join which is really misleading. :(

The flat panels work brilliantly. We managed to find shelves that fit perfectly and haven't had any problems at all with them. They just lie flat as well so there is no squeaking. ;)

[ladykathryn.livejournal.com]

You might try replacing the slats entirely with an appropriately-sized piece of MDF. It's incredibly heavy, but, uh, it will NOT break. Also, it's more comfy.

[fluffymormegil.livejournal.com]

Somehow, "central steel strut" in a wooden bed frame just screams "shonky design" to me.
My rant regarding Ikea sleepfurniture is to do with the mechanics of fixing the slats of their futons in place... using 64 hammer-driven plastic pegs. Damn but that's a loud exercise...

[juliet]

If you're good at audiotyping, have you considered medical secretarying? Try Lifeline Personnel - they'll test your copy-typing, audio typing, & ability to spell medical words. There's always a shortage of decent medical secretaries - you should be able to pick something up pretty much as soon as they clear your references, assuming that you pass the tests OK (which you should do). Better paid IME than other temp secretarial work - somewhere between 10 & 12 quid an hr 3 years ago, may be more now.

[lolliepopp.livejournal.com]

Hmmmmm
I got my IKEA kingsize metal monster of a bed well over 5 years ago and it's still going strong, except that I have managed to bend the vertical poles on the headboard (no, I don't know how I could've done it either ;-))

It's a mixture of metal frame, middle support strut and think heavy wooden slats that could break if you tried. It's stood upto a lot over the time I've had it too ;-)

It's great and one of my favourite things evah! But it did cost in the region of about 750.00 at the time. I admit that some of the quality in the products has gone down in the past few years.

Complain, complain a lot, I've found that they aren't too bad once you can actually speak to them in person.

L
x

[nilasae.livejournal.com]

Er, dang it, the same bed I bought about a month ago...

[girfan.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't buy a bed or couch from Ikea, but have had no problems with their bookshelves or chairs.

As others have said, contact agencies for audio-typist jobs. The medical ones might pay more.

[vatine]

If you want, I can load the Tools in the backpack (green one, I'm afraid, the I-expect-necessary tools won't fit in the daypack) and haul myself over and have a look. Will have to be "Thursday earliest" and would, most probably, benefit from having structural failure documented in advance of tinkering (so as to not blame tinkering for integrity failure).

[reddragdiva]

I dunno where the camera is. But I think it needs deeper screw holes and longer screws, so if you have a drill that would be lovely!

[rosefox]

You could hire yourself out as a stalker.

[kest]

Do you have a warranty or anything? (Will be calling you as soon as this round of internet time runs out.)

[reddragdiva]

"Merchantability for purpose", i.e. if it's crap it's their problem. I called custome service and they said they'd be able to do something about it if I lug the broken bit back to Fucking Lakeside ...

[juliann.livejournal.com]

A) Our IKEA bed is still going strong after 3 years. But it is the iron variety.
B) Summers by Two is a good temp agency. They always had lots of work.
C) Did you see the work for Google from home I posted yesterday? I thought either you or Liz (or both) might want to apply :) Seeing as it's set your own hours (and even set how many hours). Hell I'd do it but with classes 3x week I will be fried. And anyway if I get gainful employment in the next coupla years it will revoke my student loan writeoff so not worth the bits o cash ;)

Google has lots of other positions going too, I didn't really look but there were loads.

[wechsler.livejournal.com]

You looking for contract or perm now?

[reddragdiva]

If they pay me before we STARVE or FAIL TO MAKE RENT, then contract is JUST FINE!

[bellaantimatter.livejournal.com]

hint: IKEA: Good for lamps and knick knacks and rugs. TERRIBLE for furniture. What made you think that something that can be put together with a hex key can withstand more weight than a small child?

[vatine]

Well, I got a fair few years out of an IKEA bed, without any structural failure, but it's one of those with an integral bed-frame in the spring mattress, not a "separate farme and mattress" jobs (I wouldn't trust those much farther than I can throw them, really).

[reddragdiva]

Just Ikea ones? I'd generally prefer separate mattress and frame. I mean, it's not too bad a frame except that those screws obviously can't take 50kg weight for ages.

I think we'll be drilling the holes deeper and putting longer screws in, rather than getting the piece replaced — I have no faith in an identical replacement actually being any better.