4chan.

[reddragdiva]

The browser cache of most 4chan moderators (a.k.a. "/b/-tards") is enough to send ten normal Internet users to Guantanamo Bay. Pic unrelated.

OH FUCK AAARGH MY EYES AAARGH MY BALLS HAND ME A SPORK NOW YOU BASTARD FUCK OH JESUS OH MOMMA OH GOD AIEEEEEEEEEE MY FUCKING DICK IS MELLTTIINNGG

4chan is the winner in the competition for World's Most Work-unsafe Website. If you look at 4chan from your work computer, your monitor explodes, smoke comes out of your PC and your Ethernet cable melts. Then Networks come over to your desk and beat the fucking crap out of you personally.

Q. Explosion, smoke, melt, crap, got it. Are LCD monitors subject to explosion too, though?

A. That depends. Do you feel lucky, punk?

It's not particularly good for viewing at home, either. I ignored the warning and didn't break the chain, and had to scrub the inside of my skull out with steel wool and bleach. AND I COULD STILL REMEMBER THE IMAGES.

My wife told me that if I ever browsed 4chan in her presence again, I would be divorced. I had to concede this was entirely fair and reasonable.

IIchan

IIchan is worse. Their 'g' section takes your brain out, rolls it in lint, skullfucks you, puts it back then skullfucks your mother too. If you look at IIchan at work or home, you will grow zits on your palms, fingers and genitalia and never masturbate again, let alone interact with humans of any desired sex whatsoever.

So what the hell is on it?

Oh, stuff. Lots of snowy owls. Snowy owls, geddit? Geddit? Mate! Maaaate!

At least it doesn't have furries on it. So that's something.

O RLY? republish a lot of it. Networks, of course, have a full shelf of O RLY? books. Not only do they republish a lot of IIchan material (which is why the Network guys look and smell like they do), they're big and heavy for beating the fucking crap out of the users with. If you put a pocket-sized YA RLY! just under the user's shoulder blades (This Is Your Brain In A Nutshell, On A Plane is a good one) and whack it with a baseball bat a few times, they'll piss blood for a month but not actually bruise much. Try it, it really works!

(If you were as fat as the guys from Networks, lived in your mother's basement, had as extensive a collection of Star Trek figurines and smelt vaguely of cat piss, you'd be prone to turn into a psychotic bastard too. Remember: the networks would work perfectly if users didn't keep fucking them up.)

Stick to ordinary porn at work

And remember: your boss is still trying to work out how he can look at girlie pictures in Excel. Don't disturb his business labours.

External links

• Use Google, you lazy bastard. I'm not your mother.

 

NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!! The article you are looking at could get you fired! If a boss or Cow-orker saw you looking at this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Then Networks will come over to your desk and beat the fucking crap out of you personally. Pity we didn't tell you at the top of the article instead of the bottom, hey.

 

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Uncyclopedia, cc-by-nc-sa, ideas pls kthx. If you got fired it's your own fault for not taking warnings seriously. Also, Networks will come over and beat the fucking crap out of you personally.

Comments

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

I realise that saying this as someone who has no interest in dressing up as Bugs Bunny for a hand shandy will get me fired from the internet forever and ever, but:

I have no problem with furries whatsoever.

[reddragdiva]

Neither do I, but (as I noted in fursecution) they do exist to make goths feel better about their place in the world.

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

I thought that was what Spookies were for?

[apiphile.livejournal.com]

It doesn't mention anything about goths on there.

[reddragdiva]

End of second section. Goths suck too, remember.

[reddragdiva]

I should note that all the furries I know are really nice and I like them lots.