Shakin hands was like shakin a hot, fat, oily bone holdin on for far too long.

[reddragdiva]

Just got the kitaens back from the vet, minus their reproductive capabilities. They both have their heads in buckets. Neo is lying across redcountess begging cuddles (Claire said how sooky he was at the vet) and Madam is hiding under the bed feeling depressed. While chasing Madam to get the bucket back on her head, the groceries came; the driver left me with the words "keep smokin'" and we think he'd had a bit himself, since he called ten minutes later to ask for directions to a completely different house and Liz had to try several times to get across that we were where we were and that he'd just been here. And I left my bag in the minicab, and cheers to the driver who brought it straight back intact. JUST A LITTLE FRAZZLED, YES.

I'm working on a prospective Uncyclopedia article about Cat Piss Man (as defined here by sclerotic_rings) and I would very much like your assistance. I have already sent a draft to sclerotic_rings for comment, but I would like your stories of and links to cat pissery of the human kind. It will be written from the viewpoint of someone aggrieved at the label, so quotes and links to use would be really good.

Update: And Madam just got out of her bucket again. What a clever kitty!

Comments

[shamus9999.livejournal.com]

I still think that jewelry made of preserved kitty 'nads would make the ideal gift.

[reddragdiva]

Damn, and I forgot to ask for them!

[siani-hedgehog.livejournal.com]

Update: And Madam just got out of her bucket again. What a clever kitty!

put something icky tasting (savlon usually works) on her stitches and don't worry about it unless she really picks at them, i say.

[barakta]

Childrens ambands can work as an alternative to the bucket, although she might still be a little small and able to wriggle out of it... I know someone who did that with one of those small dogs who had an injury.

Cat Piss Man

[paula-angela.livejournal.com]

That article really creeps up on you. It starts out as a compelling description, and then procedes to make your skin crawl...

Also, a couple of typos in the first couple of paragraphs.

Re: Cat Piss Man

[reddragdiva]

That's not my article, that's sclerotic_rings' original article on the term ;-) I've clarified.

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

Sometimes a Cat Piss Man reeks of Lysol. Or so I've heard.

But here's a story about someone I know in Real-Life. "Norm" is a Mensa member who makes other Mensa members cringe. Norm is a brilliant programmer, and has a government job (which makes it almost impossible to fire him). He wears the same ill-fitting, greasy suit every day to work, and the same pair of baggy, greasy black slacks every weekend. He doesn't bother to untie his oxford shoes before he puts them on, instead mashing down the back to that he can wear them as if they were mules.

When Norm's wife left him, he had a tee-shirt made up with her photograph printed on it. He wore that tee shirt every day for almost a year, directly under his greasy suit jacket, and apparently never removed it. Even for washing. It shortly became encrusted with spilled food, with yellow perspiration stains under the armpits and a thin yellow stain along the bottom front hem. He finally removed it only when his employer literally ripped it off of him.

Whenever Norm sees me, he asks after my daughter maiabee8, whom he once met four years ago when she was 15. "How's your daughter?", he whines in his high-pitched voice, "I like her. She's stacked."

But the worst story about Norm is this one. A few years ago, a local newspaper's "What Do You Think?" column asked several random people about their worst co-workers. One man described a programmer whose flatulence was so frequent and pungent that nobody was willing to work in the same room as him. A friend of mine pointed this column out to me, saying, "What do you want to bet that's Norm?"

A week later, via a friend's mother who worked at the paper, we received confirmation. Yes, it was Norm.

[reddragdiva]

How's your daughter?", he whines in his high-pitched voice, "I like her. She's stacked."

EW.

"What do you want to bet that's Norm?"

Amazing how often that happens.

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

How's your daughter?", he whines in his high-pitched voice, "I like her. She's stacked."

After the third time he said just this, and the third time I told him to stop asking about her, I asked a couple of large, muscular friends to speak with Norm privately. I believe they threatened to beat him if he mentioned my daughter's name or body ever again. The last time I was in the same room as Norm, he scuttled away from me as quickly if I were holding a bar of soap.

[reddragdiva]

"'Lack of social skills' is always a favorite ad hominem with no evidence ever being listed; I personally make a point of social interaction, rather than being standoffish."

PLACE THAT QUOTE!

[ex-unagothae16.livejournal.com]

I went on a blind date with Cat Piss Man. I think you might remember the story since that was when you introduced me to that article.

I need to take a bath now.

[barakta]

Cat Piss Man IS the Cleggs... Yes, plural. My ex used to work in a Games Workshop shop in the delightful shithole town Stockport. The Cleggs used to come in virtually every day, and always on a Saturday and Sunday.

I remember the first time I walked into the shop to talk to my ex before getting the bus home from the adjacent bus station. You'd have thought they'd never seen a real woman before. I have memories of them grunting alarmedly when I walked in and giving me dirty looks. They eventually got used to me but I never could understand what they said as their goofy teeth obscured their speech. I didn't especially want to know what they said either.

They used to go to the butchers next door and eat a whole family sized bag of chicken wings, wiping their greasy hands on their clothes. They'd get kicked out of the games workshop to eat which pissed them off no end...

The staff didn't like them, but the smarmy manager wouldn't ban them because they spent most of their dole money in GW every week. When the manager wasn't around when they would nitpick at the small children who were playing the games. Junior staff often had to intervene and threaten to ban them regardless of if they were right about page 67 rule 56A clause iv.

[ickle-yuki.livejournal.com]

I remember when Smokey had one of them cone thingies on his head, poor thing, he'd had an abcess burst next to his tail, and with the cone on kept running into door frames, etc. Was sadly comical.

I think Shadow is approaching needing to get his reproductive capabilities removed, he is certainly due for jabs soon I tihnk.

[blackbirdcd.livejournal.com]

dakiwiboid told me you were looking for tales of real-life Cat Piss Men. . .

Well, I've got one for you:

Part One:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/blackbirdcd/314896.html?view=1474064#t1474064

Part Two:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/blackbirdcd/317360.html

Cheers!

[reddragdiva]

Oh dear. I fear that will be helpful.

[blackbirdcd.livejournal.com]

I fear as well. . . because I'll likely have to see this land manitee in person.

[reddragdiva]

I'm sure you can leave a copy of the article under his door, so he can laugh at the bits that aren't his interest and then say "I don't think that's funny at all" about the bits that are.