In an ocean of you.

[reddragdiva]

<PhilSandifer> You didn't tell me Wiki-EN got the most fucked up penis spam ever.
<PhilSandifer> I now have a word file just of terrifying penis spam.
<PhilSandifer> I blame you!
<PhilSandifer> YOU MADE ME READ THE SENTENCE "After you cum with Spermamax she will be looking for her underwear one hour in the ocean of your sperm."

<Demi> Before I started reading my spam, semen volume was really not something I'd ever considered having a preference for.

Update: By the way, snowspinner hereby comprehensively pwns ufl.edu and wikipediareview.com.

Comments

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

That'd have to be bloody expensive underwear!

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

That mental image is just traumatic. Thank you for sharing. Really.

[redcountess]

He's such a treasure *rolls eyes*

[reddragdiva]

I too have collected a file of the most FUCKED UP PENIS SPAM SUBJECT LINES EVER. I'm wondering what to do with it.

[mendel.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure step one is a fortune file and step two is its URL.

[ladykathryn.livejournal.com]

If my undies got lost in an ocean of anyone's sperm, they'd be staying there. Even the La Perla ones.

[vivien-claw.livejournal.com]

i don't know you, but I'm so with you on that one!!!!!!!

[shamus9999.livejournal.com]

An aquaintence of mine once told me of a time when she was young and in college. She went to bed with some guy, their first time together I think she'd said. The guy asked her if she minded if his dog watched! Later while they were busy she heard this strange noise. The dog had swallowed her knickers whole, soon to vomit them back up again. The guy actually offered her the knickers back after all that.

[reddragdiva]

You win.

[secretlondon.livejournal.com]

Some of the stuff in Wikipediareview is just bizarre. Whatever people may think about Snowspinner's style he has the right to publish fiction.

I was sad enough to search for myself to see if I was being accused of any crimes against wikipedia wankerdom: http://wikipediareview.com/index.php?showtopic=114&hl=secretlondon only found me being listed as a banned and/or on probation "goodie" in the same spirit as 172, Wik and Lir..

As I'm wikipedia nomenklatura who has never even been blocked I'm disappointed to be seen as the friend of the nut jobs.

[reddragdiva]

Apparently you said something negative about Jimbo at some time or other, and are probably not an Objectivist.

[ladystardust-xs.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO

I have to give this to metaquote. Is that OK?

[ladystardust-xs.livejournal.com]

Whoops, sorry, that would be metaquotes.

[reddragdiva]

Hey, it's public, and it's up on [[m:Bash]]!

[usufructer.livejournal.com]

Damn, I've been out of the loop for too long; I vanity searched and found nothing. Who got University of Northern Iowa banned, Lir? I apparently don't keep track of my state's Wikipedia nutjobs nearly well enough.

I've been in their tunnel system, and their entire internet connection runs down one big wall of network gear. I could make the ban more permanent...

[reddragdiva]

Lir is good at getting entire universities banned, it appears.

ewwh!

[paula-angela.livejournal.com]

One of the best reasons to use condoms is not having to deal with the sticky messa afterwards.

OK, I can accept that sperm-swimming is some sort of fettish thing (there is a fettish for almost everything, after all) but to email it around like there's any posserbility of it being a mainstream preference...

And from a medical point of view, it's really quite disturbing. Men continuously create sperm at a certain rate (something like one per second?). One of the reasons that sending men home from wars on 3-day passes was so effective at keeping the birth rate bubbling along, was that a man who hadn't been having regular sex would have all this extra sperm saved up. He would go back to wifey with very sperm-heavy semen, which increased the probability of her getting pregnant from only one encounter.

So what is spermax meant to do medically? Does it increase the sperm production (and if so, what sort of stress does prolonged use put on the testes)? Does it squeeze more sperm out of the testes (making him more fertile the first time he uses it, but significantly less fertile thereafter)? Or is it a pure fettish product, encouraging his body to add more non-sperm product to the semen?

So, our young stud, in the search for better sex, uses product and accidentally renders himself infertile...

But back onto this point about women findng sticky semen to be something akin to an unfortunate by-product of sex, does this mean that boys would use products like this for masterbation?

Oh the horror - be still my brain!

Re: ewwh!

[blackavar.livejournal.com]

The various semen volume enhancers (the few that do have some effect) act primarily on prostate and other gland secretions and have nothing to do with sperm production. Pure fetish, and generally that of the "recipient"? (there has to be a better, but stil non-gender-biased, term) except for additional pleasure to the male from a higher volume of ejaculate.

Re: ewwh!

[reddragdiva]

I believe the marketing thrust (ahahaha) is to be more pornstarlike. A really BIG moneyshot as opposed to a moneydribble.

[snowspinner.livejournal.com]

Nonsense.

Comprehensive is when I make /.

[reddragdiva]

And when it makes Wikipedia, it would be encyclopedic.

[phelyan.livejournal.com]

But what about the carpets? Will anybody please think of the carpets!

[nisaba.livejournal.com]

I'm far too sober to deal with that sentence.

[reddragdiva]

Cats just make the best "wtfff?" icons.

[mstevens.livejournal.com]

You've seen spamusement, right?

[ellebabe.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, in my day it was just the usual 10cc, cheers very much. Nowadays these hosebeasts want an ocean?

[reddragdiva]

These kids, they're so used to condoms they don't understand just how much the usual teaspoonful actually is when it's sticking to everything ...