Gay Pride.

[reddragdiva]

"A lifetime of listening to disco music is a high price to pay for one's sexual preference."
    ~ Quentin Crisp

"Your superlative aesthetic sense reminds me that I am happily married with two children."
    ~ Oscar Wilde on gay pride

The gay pride, or simply pride, campaign of the gay rights movement has three main premises:

• that all people of all sexual orientations should be proud, not ashamed, of being young white middle-class gay men;
• that sexual diversity is a gift to young white middle-class gay men;
• that sexual orientation and gender identity are inherent and cannot be intentionally altered, unless of course you are bisexual and therefore only fooling yourself.

Aagh, more fucking furries. Oh well, as long as they've got a cock and a pulse.

Remember: just because you have a personal creative output of zero doesn't mean that you can't take full credit for creative genius for a lifestyle of disco and sodomy.

Pride Parades

Pride Parades are held worldwide on whatever is likely to be the most hideously hot day of summer, wherein young white middle-class gay men of all colours, ages, gender identities and backgrounds can walk down the centre of the main street wearing three leather straps and a peaked leather cap to pick up guys show they are proud to be who they are (and pick up guys).

Many celebrities and hangers on attend marches, such as Gandalf, Sandi Toksvig and that guy from Eastenders, not specifically because they are gay, but to gather free publicity the pride, love and respect that can only come from the gay community.

The rainbow flag

The homosexual contribution to aesthetics and culture is vast and undeniable. Homosexuals throughout history have been responsible for such massive quantities of artistic output that present-day proud gays need only vaguely allude to their predecessors' efforts to take full credit for possessing the creative genius nature, whether or not they are in fact airheaded twinks taking Amyl and Ecstasy five nights out of seven and with the personal creative output of an insufficient number of monkeys with typewriters. And if you don't think so, you're some sort of queer basher.

The inherent gay aesthetic sensibility reached its public peak with the spread of the rainbow flag, designed such that at least one colour will clash jarringly no matter what it is placed against. The flag contains all six colours of the rainbow, bisexuals being represented by the seventh colour that does not exist.

Openness to diversity

"Oh, we got both kinds. We got disco and techno."
    ~ Gay club owner

Diversity is absolutely welcomed in the gay subculture, and it is accepting of all varieties of young pretty males with cute arses and nice dicks who have never had a sexual thought toward a woman ever, even after six drinks and when they think none of their friends will find out.

Lesbians are absolutely welcome at gay clubs, provided they have the common decency to pretend to be fag hags instead. Sorry, laydeez, it's, uh, member's night tonight, you can't come in. Yeah, that model girlie is a member. Really.

The respect for diversity is such that the common abbreviation for queers is "LGBT", which stands for "lesbians, GAY GAY GAY MEN W00T BOYS GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY UH-HUH UH-HUH and tr*ns." (Bisexuals don't exist.)

Gay is normal!

The most important message of pride day is that gays are just normal people. This is clearly demonstrated by prancing down the middle of the main road of a major city dressed only in a silver jockstrap that leaves your pasty white arse hanging out. Exposing breasts (if you have them) and dicks (if you have them) is a highly effective way of emphasising your normality and empathy with mainstream culture.

Busloads of tourists are the best people to direct this demonstration at. Japanese tourists will obviously come to understand and fully appreciate the "guy-next-door" nature of homosexuality when they see five men in full drag having a public orgy in the middle of Old Queen Street.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called-experts at Wikipedia have an article about: Gay Pride.

The message of gay pride is that gays are normal people just like everyone else: stupid, ignorant and bigoted.

---

Another from Uncyclopedia, cc-by-nc-sa 2.0, important additions by sannse and Mhaille; thanks to syringavulgaris for setting me off writing this one. Suggestions welcomed.

Comments

[commonpeople.livejournal.com]

Did you attend Gay Pride this year?

[rosefox]

"I lolled", as the kids say these days.

[aidan-skinner.livejournal.com]

Only the older ones, the younger ones say 'lulz'

[reddragdiva]

No, I started on the above courtesy a fairly jaundiced description from feanelwa. I spent the day hiding from the heat. A lot of the above comes from the Sydney Gay andlesbian Mardi Gras.

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Now wait a minute! I commissioned nothing! You started on it and wrote it yourself!

I think it's pretty funny, mind, but it's nothing to do with me except that I arrived at your house annoyed and with sore feet.

[reddragdiva]

OK, fair enough, the bitterness is mostly mine ;-)

The lesbians bit is from the apparent door policy of many gay clubs in Melbourne on Fridays and Saturdays. Sundays to Thursdays the dykes are most welcome to come in and drink like fish, but Fridays and Saturdays are suddenly restricted.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

Little bastards.

[hirez.livejournal.com]

You are a very bad man. Well done.

We have Sisters which lets the boys in for brunch

[mouseworks.livejournal.com]

and probably every other damn time since I haven't been other than for brunch.

My favorite bar in New Hope, Pennsylvania, was the New Prelude which was everyone's bar -- drag queens, male strippers, straight couples, single bitter young closet cases doing long distance bicycling, quadrangles of two gay couples who'd married each other and who were planning to have children, more straight people, bi guys like the one I brought with me next year (Mr. and Mrs. Rebecca Brown in the hotel register). Now, it's closed. One bar/hotel is not friendly to women; the other bar/hotel is.

The New Prelude was the future I wanted.

[beckyzoole.livejournal.com]

Fabulous article! You know what would make it even better? Work in Leonid the Magnificent (http://youtube.com/watch?v=L1mIl1dsFRM&mode=related&search=).

[bar-bar-ella.livejournal.com]

Absolutely, soddingly brilliant, m'dear. :)

[dreambabydream.livejournal.com]

thank you. you saw, i hope, that 'queer culture,' 'fag hags' and 'queer bars' ranked highly in my list of irrelevant non-interests. and all for the reasons so clearly articulated. what a sham.

[unagothae.livejournal.com]

It's so hard being bi in a world where girls abuse the label just to get laid by guys who love the fantasy of hot girl on girl action. I'm not confused. I don't need to pick a team. And being with a guy doesn't make me less attracted to women and being with a woman doesn't make me less attracted to men.

Of course, I live in West Bumblefuq, so my sexuality is the biggest non-issue of the century.

Thank God for vibrators. I guess I'm electro-sexual...solo-sexual?

[reddragdiva]

I think here of a guy from alt.tasteless who described himself as "your typical straight guy who likes to fuck other straight guys." He decided when he ended up going home with what turned out to be a prissy nelly queen, he would deal with it by wiping his dick on the curtains.

[ashbet]

*points at article, LMFAO's, responds to comment*

Or the always fun and exciting, "You're not a bisexual, you've been mostly involved with men (statistically), and you're married to one."

My answer is "Just because I'm PICKY doesn't make me not a bisexual!"

I love women, I just haven't had great luck with them in terms of longer-term relationships due to unrelated complicating factors, such as the fact that my first girlfriend was one of those "abuse the label" types you mentioned ("I think I've decided that I was just bi-CURIOUS" . . . Me: "So, that's why you kept pursuing me on and off for the next three years? You don't want to be in a relationship with a girl after all, but I'm just THAT GOOD??" Or something. Grrr.) It's not that I don't like women in general, it's that most of the girls I've been involved with have turned out to have Teh Crazy ;)

I'm still not writing off the possibility, though ^-^

-- A <3<3

[reddragdiva]

"most of the girls I've been involved with have turned out to have Teh Crazy ;)"

Told you!

[unagothae.livejournal.com]

<3 :D

FINALLY! Someone gets it!

So glad I find I'm not the only one :)

[strangedave.livejournal.com]

Sing it, brother.
I've always had issue with the idea that wanting to fuck men means you must subscribe to the camp aesthetic. Because I have no problem with the former, and often cordially loathe the latter (or at least, find that (like, say, aniseed) a small amount can still often be too much). Why isn't, say, Bob Mould considered to be as relevent to gay culture as fucking Kylie?

[lovelybug.livejournal.com]

*laughs a lot* I especially like 'Gay is normal!' I was in the Museum of London when Pride was on (work AGM), and looking at their stand about the history of Pride. There wasn't a single picture that didn't include some bloke in only a silver jockstrap...

Of course, it's not just ywm-c gay men who don't believe in bisexuals, and certainly not in bisexuals at Pride. The first letter I ever had published was in Diva, in response to a woman who'd suggested that bisexual women only did it to turn their boyfriends on, and if they wanted to be proud of that they should have their own march.

[seph-hazard.livejournal.com]

I did like that entry. The question of my sanity aside, men are fairly easy to deal with usually. <;-D

[reddragdiva]

I haven't spotted you wielding any axes so far if that helps ...

[seph-hazard.livejournal.com]

Ahh, that's because I'm subtly bugfuck insane, darling.

If I started waving an axe around I'd probably cut my own head off. I am blonde, after all.

[reddragdiva]

Hah! I keep forgetting that. You goth, you. You could always go back to blonde then bleach it up to white, of course.

[seph-hazard.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't it all fall out or turn into straw or something if I tried that?

HOW many times do I have to tell you about this whole 'goth' thing, hmm? *stampfoot*

[reddragdiva]

Only if you try to bleach out the black!

[seph-hazard.livejournal.com]

Honey, my hair's about two feet long. It'd take YEARS to grow out!
On balance, I think I'm happy with it as it is. I actually really quite like my hair.

Ah, vibrators....

[mouseworks.livejournal.com]

Rite Aid (local drug store) packages one of theirs with the actual vibrator head tastefully pointed at the betoweled crotch of the photographed packaging model.

It is excellent for muscle relaxing, indeed.

[ciphergoth.livejournal.com]

Young, Middle-Class and Affluent. We could write a song about it...

[secretlondon.livejournal.com]

You haven't included toilets. Every dodgy LBGT venue shows its true colours by having one ladies toilet - and several gents. Some don't even have a ladies!

[reddragdiva]

Added!

I haven't explicitly added the words "gay misogyny", but I hope they're implied strongly enough.

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

I love this to little pieces. I may be forced to link to it, or even post it wholesale (with attribution) if you have no objection.

[reddragdiva]

Please link to or use the Uncyclopedia version, with the strange but true facts. The Kylie vs Bob comparison is one I worked hard to get in there.

Gay pride is a marvellous idea. It's just the realisation. If I'm afflicted with unnatural reserves of energy I might organise a "fairly tedious and normal not-entirely-straight people" float one year.