Gay Pride.

[reddragdiva]

"A lifetime of listening to disco music is a high price to pay for one's sexual preference."
    ~ Quentin Crisp

"Your superlative aesthetic sense reminds me that I am happily married with two children."
    ~ Oscar Wilde on gay pride

The gay pride, or simply pride, campaign of the gay rights movement has three main premises:

• that all people of all sexual orientations should be proud, not ashamed, of being young white middle-class gay men;
• that sexual diversity is a gift to young white middle-class gay men;
• that sexual orientation and gender identity are inherent and cannot be intentionally altered, unless of course you are bisexual and therefore only fooling yourself.

Aagh, more fucking furries. Oh well, as long as they've got a cock and a pulse.

Remember: just because you have a personal creative output of zero doesn't mean that you can't take full credit for creative genius for a lifestyle of disco and sodomy.

Pride Parades

Pride Parades are held worldwide on whatever is likely to be the most hideously hot day of summer, wherein young white middle-class gay men of all colours, ages, gender identities and backgrounds can walk down the centre of the main street wearing three leather straps and a peaked leather cap to pick up guys show they are proud to be who they are (and pick up guys).

Many celebrities and hangers on attend marches, such as Gandalf, Sandi Toksvig and that guy from Eastenders, not specifically because they are gay, but to gather free publicity the pride, love and respect that can only come from the gay community.

The rainbow flag

The homosexual contribution to aesthetics and culture is vast and undeniable. Homosexuals throughout history have been responsible for such massive quantities of artistic output that present-day proud gays need only vaguely allude to their predecessors' efforts to take full credit for possessing the creative genius nature, whether or not they are in fact airheaded twinks taking Amyl and Ecstasy five nights out of seven and with the personal creative output of an insufficient number of monkeys with typewriters. And if you don't think so, you're some sort of queer basher.

The inherent gay aesthetic sensibility reached its public peak with the spread of the rainbow flag, designed such that at least one colour will clash jarringly no matter what it is placed against. The flag contains all six colours of the rainbow, bisexuals being represented by the seventh colour that does not exist.

Openness to diversity

"Oh, we got both kinds. We got disco and techno."
    ~ Gay club owner

Diversity is absolutely welcomed in the gay subculture, and it is accepting of all varieties of young pretty males with cute arses and nice dicks who have never had a sexual thought toward a woman ever, even after six drinks and when they think none of their friends will find out.

Lesbians are absolutely welcome at gay clubs, provided they have the common decency to pretend to be fag hags instead. Sorry, laydeez, it's, uh, member's night tonight, you can't come in. Yeah, that model girlie is a member. Really.

The respect for diversity is such that the common abbreviation for queers is "LGBT", which stands for "lesbians, GAY GAY GAY MEN W00T BOYS GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY UH-HUH UH-HUH and tr*ns." (Bisexuals don't exist.)

Gay is normal!

The most important message of pride day is that gays are just normal people. This is clearly demonstrated by prancing down the middle of the main road of a major city dressed only in a silver jockstrap that leaves your pasty white arse hanging out. Exposing breasts (if you have them) and dicks (if you have them) is a highly effective way of emphasising your normality and empathy with mainstream culture.

Busloads of tourists are the best people to direct this demonstration at. Japanese tourists will obviously come to understand and fully appreciate the "guy-next-door" nature of homosexuality when they see five men in full drag having a public orgy in the middle of Old Queen Street.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called-experts at Wikipedia have an article about: Gay Pride.

The message of gay pride is that gays are normal people just like everyone else: stupid, ignorant and bigoted.

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Another from Uncyclopedia, cc-by-nc-sa 2.0, important additions by sannse and Mhaille; thanks to syringavulgaris for setting me off writing this one. Suggestions welcomed.

Comments

[reddragdiva]

Please link to or use the Uncyclopedia version, with the strange but true facts. The Kylie vs Bob comparison is one I worked hard to get in there.

Gay pride is a marvellous idea. It's just the realisation. If I'm afflicted with unnatural reserves of energy I might organise a "fairly tedious and normal not-entirely-straight people" float one year.