I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because rogues sometimes rest.

[reddragdiva]

• Oh, if only we could use these tags.

On Wednesday, redcountess noticed that the boiler pressure was actually pinning the pressure meter, i.e. over 4.5 bar. She promptly switched it off. (So we've been without heat or hot water since then.) Called landlord, called CORGI plumber. The plumber relieved the pressure (we're not sure if the boiler itself has a buggered expansion vessel or not), noted the grosslyunsafe flue, disabled the boiler and put a sticker on it and wrote out a nice warning notice for us.

We got another guy to come over today. His first words: "Jesus, that's terrible!"

He hadn't been told he was supposed to move the boiler, so he couldn't do the job now. But then, it wouldn't actually be possible to do the job now. Because there's pipes underneath, so it can't be moved down, and there's mains wires in conduits in the way of where the flue would have to go. Least worst option is to move it to the back wall of the bathroom. His not-a-quote rough guess for this was in the region of a thousand quid.

He asked if he could get a photo for the horror stories page of Gas Installer, the CORGI official magazine. I took a nice photo for him which I'll email him to send in. The October issue also had a nice article on a landlord's legal responsibilities, which he let me scan, and I'll be sending a copy to the landlord.

It's hard to put into words just how enormously pleased I am: no heat and no hot water and a flue that's been spewing combustion products into the kitchen all this time, with a pregnant woman and one with fibromyalgia. I don't think the landlord is actually evil rather than just stupid, because renting out a property without a gas safety certificate is ridiculously illegal and can lead to jail time. (The agent is unlikely to be responsible as the landlord didn't arrange a maintenance contract. Being a cheap bastard as well as stupid and incompetent.) Not to mention just how stupid you have to be to mess with gas fitting on a bodgy landlord's-mates basis.

So now I have to calmly contemplate just what the hell I say to him to try to get across to him how badly he's fucked up and how heavily HSE could LART him, and work out just what we want from him — break the lease and pay for our moving expenses, fix this immediately and expensively, or what. Gah. A nice cup of crack and a sit-down.

Update: Just left a message for the landlord, starting with "it's bad, it's dangerous, it'll need to be fixed immediately, it'll be expensive, and you're going to have to pay for it" and including the phrases "worst he'd ever seen," "incredibly dangerous" and "grossly illegal." Awaiting his call back.

Update 2: Landlord called back around 10pm. He says he will call around tomorrow and get someone out to fix it conclusively and in a CORGI-compliant manner by Monday. We shall see.

Comments

[greylock.livejournal.com]

It's hard to put into words just how enormously pleased I am: no heat and no hot water and a flue that's been spewing combustion products into the kitchen all this time

I feel the need to laugh at your antiquated British plumbing... almost.
Since I don't quite grok what a boiler might do, and I suspect weeping green tears from ones building isn't a good sign, can I just call your landlord a slum lord and get him a pigs head?

[ewtikins.livejournal.com]

A boiler heats the hot water for central heating (with radiators) and, um, hot water (for washing etc). Not having one that works in winter is a tornado-strength vortex of suck, because insulation in this country leaves something to be desired (like, say, existence).

[redcountess]

A boiler is what Australians call a hot water service, which can also heats a property through radiators, like ours does, hence it's called a combination boiler. It runs on natural gas, but some run on oil.

[redcountess]

BTW, the green stuff is actually some sort of primer showing through bits that they missed when they painted.

[seph-hazard.livejournal.com]

I think the word I want here is 'oh, fucking pigshit'.

The world's an annoying place sometimes.

If I'm feeling up to Buses and Trains and Going Outside I'll come up and make you all tea and rissotto sometime next week, mmkay? You sound like you need it...

[aidan-skinner.livejournal.com]

Sweet mother of god. You're not renting off of Harry Singh, Glasgow's worst landlord, are you?

TBH I would be highly wary of staying there, even if he does fix it pronto and sharpish. You never know what else is wrong, although bodged boiler is pretty much the top of the list of things that could be fucked.

[redcountess]

Oh we have a fair idea, there's also the dodgy light fitting in the bathroom and the loose carpet on the stairs. Also if the plumbing wasn't done properly, I suspect there's the old water tank in the loft space above the old upstairs bathroom, which is now a bedroom.

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

*whimpers* I think you could actually get him arrested for that, and possibly even jailed.

And let me guess, you don't have a backup immersion heater either because landlord too cheap?

[redcountess]

There may be one in the loft above the old bathroom, which is now a bedroom, but I didn't think to mention that to the plumber.

[arkady.livejournal.com]

Bingo. I already looked; no airing cupboard and therefore no immersion heater.

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

Combination boilers are meant to be heat-on-demand, so there's no tank of water to put an immersion heater in.

I think Environmental Health in their area could have quite a lot of fun with the landlord.

(Although I shouldn't be too sadistically gleeful, lest I get bad karma, as I'm going to be a landlord myself in a few days.)

[hellsop.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking a nice "Hi! I'm notifying you that all this needs to be fixed, because if I were a nastier tenant, you'd have unhappy inspectors waving fines and jailtime at you, instead of getting to fix it quietly and quickly" might be worth a try.

[siani-hedgehog.livejournal.com]

i would second this. Richard has had very good results with this when buying cars which have later turned out to be grossly unsafe from dealers.

[vatine]

Lovely. May I suggest a course of "We want this fixed, no cost to us, no later than Wednesday" and unless a Proper Working Boiler is to be found at that point, calmly mention "Moving expenses, new flat (at least as large), you pay;" then shop him to HSE on the sheer principle of the thing. What he's (had?) done is blatant disregard for human safety. Want me to drop off tea-lights tomorrow? THey're usable as point-heating, if naught else.

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

Well, and if he's done it to them, and owns more than one property, chances are the other places are just as bad and maybe the tenants just haven't noticed.

Where I lived previously, we had to bring the local environmental health bloke in because of the electrics being bad, and ultimately EH made the landlords pay for electrical inspections on all of the properties they owned.

[kellydamnit.livejournal.com]

I, too, would be wary of staying. Of all the things to cheap out on, the last one should be something that can level a city block. You did love the place up until now, though, so maybe tell him he'll be paying for a full inspection of the house (wiring, plumbing, all that) by someone of your hiring and choosing, or paying for you to move. That way you have peace of mind that nothing else is lurking in the walls.


(it must speak to the hostility of our climate that your landlord would be in jail if it wasn't fixed in 24 hours, or putting you up at a hotel on his dime until it is.)

[redcountess]

Thing is, we *don't* love the place, but we were willing to try to turn a sow's ear into a silk purse. Now, it's all a bit beyond us.

I recommend an immediate fix

[mouseworks.livejournal.com]

...with your hotel expenses while it's being fixed paid for by the landlord.

My guys finally showed up around noon, and will first cap the radiator.

Re: I recommend an immediate fix

[redcountess]

We can't move this week, with David on call, unless we can find somewhere that already has Sky and a working phone line.

[secretlondon.livejournal.com]

NB ALWAYS ask for a copy of the gas safety certificate before signing contract. I dread to think if this guy has other properties.

Amateur landlords can be hell on earth. People who've read all those "Buy to Let and make ££" articles in the Mail on Sunday's magazine and think that all they need to do is pay in the cheques.

I think you guys have been really lucky - at least none of you have CO poisoning.

[reddragdiva]

Arkady considers we have a moral duty to shop him to the HSE, because he does indeed have other tenants, who could probably do without monoxide poisoning or being killed by an exploding steam-powered gas-fueled shrapnel bomb.

[vampwillow]

I'd completely agree with Arkady that the HSE must be advised if you were to move out before seeing that the works had been completed, and I have to say that this wa**er of a landlord has clearly been cutting corners.

In some ways - and this is nothing personal at all - but it is this sort of thing that has kept me clear all my life from having gas fitted to any property I've bought or rented. You can't do the work yourself (by law) and gas is an inherently dangerous product which can explode and take a building with it. I really do not like gas ...

{{{hugs the three of you}}}

[secretlondon.livejournal.com]

Gas is fine and cheaper. You just need to do the annual checks.

[secretlondon.livejournal.com]

Let us know how he responds to this.

I'm really thinking that you don't want to live here even with everything you can see fixed. I think it may be better to move as soon as you can manage it as the nearer you come to baby-time the harder it will be.

Of course moving house is a hassle and just awful.

[barakta]

I have no suitable words to describe your landlord. I agree that this guys houses should ALL be inspected and fixed at his own expense ASAP.

[unagothae.livejournal.com]

Get the inspectors on him. Get out of the lease. Get a place that isn't a health hazard.

I don't know how it is there, but in the states we have renters rights and responsibilities pamphlets. I believe that you can not be held in a lease if the property is hazardous, but it's your responsibility to report it. Find out what the rules are there, he may not be able to hold you to your lease if the property is that bad off. Getting the inspector on it right away rather than waiting will give you solid ground to get things repaired at no cost to you or get you out of your lease if you need to.

Cover your own ass. If he'd been worried about keeping his covered, you wouldn't be in this mess. Don't be afraid to get his ass smacked. As others have suggested, you may be helping all the people who don't have your keen observational and problem solving skills.

[sister-stella.livejournal.com]

Oh my fucking god!

[loosechanj.livejournal.com]

Boiler, heat? Oh you whacky brits.

[richgoth.livejournal.com]

http://www.trembicky.com/

[xlerb.livejournal.com]

Oh, if only we could use these tags.

You mean Uncyclopædia doesn't already have them all?

[reddragdiva]

I think they will soon!

[echo-echo.livejournal.com]

My gf's dad is a gas engineer, I think he would have a fit if he saw that! That is the shonkiest piece of ducting I have EVER seen. I'm actually quite surprised you haven't picked up on it earlier looking at that photo.