reddragdiva | The A-Team with MC Hawking.

Voiceover: In 1972, a crack theoretical physics unit was sent to prison by a military court for a thesis they didn't submit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Berkeley underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as physicists of fortune. If you have a problem ... if no one else can help ... and if you can find them, and isolate them from the local mass-accelerometer without causing a quantum interference singularity ... maybe you can hire ... the A-Team with MC Hawking.

MC Hawking: I AIN'T COLLAPSING NO WAVEFORM, SUCKA!

In which the underdog is getting hassle from some rich guy

"YES, MURDOCK, YOU CAN MOST CERTAINLY BE ASSURED THAT WE SHALL INDEED FUCK THE CREATIONISTS."

The A-Team with MC Hawking delivers produce to the market for a farming college professor who went to Vegas to use the perfect gambling system against corrupt neighborhood protection racketeering police creationists and disappeared. A distraught physics student contacts the A-team with MC Hawking, who, despite being in jail, create convincing facsimiles of themselves and break out.

MC Hawking: MURDOCK, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU SUBSCRIBE TO A NON-EUCLIDEAN GEOMETRY, CHOOSING INSTEAD TO DEFINE YOUR CURRENT AND FUTURE POSITIONS IN TERMS OF HYPER-QUATERNIONS.

Murdock: I'm a bird! I'm a plane! I'm a choo-choo train!

MC Hawking: SHUT UP, FOO'!

In which the bad guys get hold of as much weaponry as they can, and the A-Team get hold of even better weaponry

Hawking revs up the red spoiler on his wheelchair.

MC Hawking: IT APPALS ME THAT YOU CONSIDER THAT I WOULD BE DECEIVED BY SO SIMPLISTIC A STRATAGEM AS MILK. I WAS IN STAR TREK, YOU KNOW. I AIN'T EXISTING ON NO PLANE, SUCKA!

Murdock unplugs Hawking's voice synthesizer and rolls his wheelchair onto the plane.

Hannibal: I love it when a proof comes together!

In which the A-Team and the bad guys battle it out, though no-one gets hit

Hannibal: Mathematics is a state of mind, it's not a speciality. And if you don't stand up against mathematics it'll beat you every time.

MC Hawking: AH! BUT IF WE CONSIDER THE UNIVERSE TO BE AN ELEVEN-DIMENSIONAL TOROID, WE CAN SIMPLY TOPOGRAPHICALLY TRANSLATE THE BATTLE TO ITS OWN INVERSE USING WANG THEORY AND THEREBY DEFEAT THEM WITH THEIR OWN WEAPONRY. YO.

Face: Don't you vocode at me like that. That's not even a real voice. It's just a bunch of bleeps playing with my mind.

Hawking's wheelchair blows a tire, rolls four times and explodes. Fortunately, Hawking is unhurt. One of his nubile graduate assistants pulls a spare wheelchair out of her cleavage.

In which the A-Team are captured, but escape using lethal and yet non-fatal improvised weaponry

MC Hawking: BOTHER — THE QUANTITY OF JEWELRY AROUND MY NECK HAS RENDERED ME SUPERCONDUCTIVE, LEAVING US SUSCEPTIBLE TO CAPTURE. HOW VERY ANNOYING.

Professor Roy Hinkley: Well, that glue is permanent! There's nothing on the island to dissolve it. Why do you know what it would take? It would take a polyester derivative of an organic hydroxide molecule.

MC Hawking: A FEW LINES OF PSEUDOSCIENTIFIC GIBBERISH WHENEVER THE PLOT APPEARS TO PALL WILL NOT SUFFICE FOR A SERIOUS DRAMATIC PRESENTATION SUCH AS THIS. FOO'!

Murdock: I can make a tank out of this weasel and a bit of left-over sammich. And I can get it to play the theme music, too!

Hannibal: Hawking! Get the van!

MC Hawking: THE VAN DON'T EXIST IN THIS QUANTUM UNIVERSE, SUCKA! BUT I CAN USE MY EXPLICATION OF MANY-WORLDS THEORY TO SELECT US INTO ONE OF AN INFINITE NUMBER OF UNIVERSES IN WHICH THIS BAG OF POTATOES TURNS INTO A SIX-DIMENSIONAL TELEPORTER.

In which the A-Team beat the bad guys and leave them to the authorities

Murdock: Gosh darnit! Hawking, did you just move us in six dimensions into a gay strip-club in the '80s again?

MC Hawking: AW YEAH!

Aw yeah. From an idea by deathboy. CC-by-nc-sa 2.0. More good lines most enthusiastically welcomed — it needs to be at least 50% longer.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

vatine

In continuance of the "gay strip-club" theme, there NEEDS to be mentions of "black holes".

Something along the lines of:
BLACK HOLES SPONTANEOUSLY EMITS PARTICLES AT THE RIM. BY SELECTIVELY ALLOWING OTHER MATTER TO ENTER THE BLACK HOLE< WE CAN REVERSE THE DIRECTION OF EMISSION.