UK pub smoking ban going as smoothly as might be expected.

[reddragdiva]

NIC FIT, London, Sunday (UNN) — The English ban on smoking in enclosed places, including pubs and all workplaces, started today. England was the last part of the United Kingdom to broadly prohibit smoking, with Wales and Northern Ireland instituting such a ban in April and Scotland last year.

The Rev Phelps has "come out" in favour of the move.

"A smoke-free country will improve the health of thousands of people, reduce the temptation to smoke and encourage smokers to quit," said newly appointed Health Secretary Alan Johnson. "We expect only minor problems with smokers taking up incredibly annoying nervous habits and tics, screaming abuse at their loved ones, scratching at their own flesh or bursting into fits of rage and beating the crap out of passing policemen, skinheads or dock workers for 'looking at me in a funny way' before collapsing gasping and coughing."

When Dr Sigmund Freud was asked to put out his cigar, he glared at our reporter and told him to "go fuck your mother."

Professor Richard Patronise, one of the world's leading experts on the effects of tobacco, predicted on Saturday that the ban could prevent up to half a million deaths a year from tobacco-related illnesses, only slightly offset by the two hundred thousand deaths of others likely to result from smokers being deprived of their nicotine hit.

A PETA spokesfur hailed the effects the decrease in second-hand smoke would have on the health of pets, though noting concern for the thousands of released tobacco-testing lab animals now roaming the countryside gasping for a fag.

Celebrity chef Antony Worrall Thompson branded the ban an "infringement of civil liberties" and pledged that pro-smoking campaigners would "fight on." The smoker then grabbed a passing council worker, who had asked him to put out his cigarette, by the throat, screaming "HOWFUCKINGDAREYOUKEEPMEAWAYFROMMYCIGSFUCKER! INEEDAFUCKINGFAGANDIFUCKINGNEEDONEFUCKINGNOW!!" before apologising for his outburst and releasing his victim's neck.

• Pete Doherty "Gasping up grey slime is thin and sexy". It certainly worked for me, 1 July, 2007

Comments

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Oh, that use of Fred Phelps is inspired.

[reddragdiva]

I assume you've seen http://www.godhatesfags.org.uk/ ?

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

So awesome it crashed Firefox!

[secretlondon.livejournal.com]

Didn't crash mine - but I needed a plugin for the thing at the bottom (which I didn't get) ;)

[phelyan.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahahaha

[secretlondon.livejournal.com]

Agreed. Had to be done :)

I am glad I don't smoke any more, though.

[loopzilla.livejournal.com]

A breath of fresh bull.

Hiiiiii. Chat about scientology over biscuits and tea?

[(Anonymous)]

Hello Mr. David Gerard (presumably),

My name is.. Evangeline Pewter for now. Er, I'm not as cuckoo as the name suggests. Being a young and pretty girl on the internet it always pays to be cautious. I'm currently attending the best academic highschool in all of Australia situated in Sydney. I'm in year 11 and studying modern history.

NOW for the relevant bit. I've been belaboured with a research task and I've decided to do it on Scientology. Just on a whim. The way that it has pervaded modern popular culture is fascinating. Especially since it's such a pile of ...

Anyway, during my onerous research I came across your old 2000 dated website on Scientology and all the articles about demonstrations in Sydney were quite exciting. I was just wondering if you have anything cool about Scientology to send me or any contacts or really.. anything. It'd even be lovely to be able to quote an interview with you for my project. Perhaps you'd be interested to know that there are now quite a few buses plastered with scientology ads and even fake 'stress relieving' demonstrations in the city held by scientologists. These are the types of things that have brought Scientology to my attention. That and Tom Cruise.

Anyway. If I got the wrong guy and I've been spouting on about Scientology for nothing or if you are totally not interested in communicating with me - please delete this post and banish me from your memory.

Regards from the lusciously lovely,
Evangeline Pewter

Re: Hiiiiii. Chat about scientology over biscuits and tea?

[reddragdiva]

The biscuits and tea would have to be done over the intarweb, but yes you have the right person ...

I haven't updated the site since 2000 ...

I would actually strongly suggest you start at Wikipedia - Category:Scientology. 'Cos I started quite a lot of the Scientology entries there. If you remember the articles are largely a battle between bitter critics and bitter Scientologists, you should be able to get value out of them. Use the articles as a place to get references to actually list in your work from.

Also, anything conributed by Chris Owen (User:ChrisO on Wikipedia) or essays by him elsewhere will be excellent value, and fabulously well-referenced themselves.

Tracking the fame of Xenu should be a fun one - he was famous on the Internet from about 1996, but didn't hit mainstream mass culture until Tom Cruise was doing publicity for War Of The Worlds in 2005.

rawr.

[(Anonymous)]

Much thanks. =)

Have a gorgeous life,
Evangeline P.

[lovelybug.livejournal.com]

Sublime :)

[gths.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, smoking bans in bars also came into effect in Victoria and NSW after the weekend. I think it was banned everywhere else aside from homes before.