Gays beg Republicans: "stop being gay."

[reddragdiva]

LIBERAL CONSPIRACY HEADQUARTERS, San Francisco, Thursday (UnVocate) — Gay community leaders and organizations have put out a plea to conservative thinkers, media figures and especially politicians: for the love of God, please stop being gay.

"I know we're supposed to 'recruit, recruit, recruit!'" said spokesfag Crispin Quaint, "but ew. Do we really want these people associated with us? That Christian rock, it's beyond even camp value, darling."

"Oh, there's some good stuff in the Bible," said spokesdyke Elle Lucius. "The surging and manly love story of David and Jonathan, or the hot girl-on-girl action of Ruth and Naomi. The bit in Leviticus against things that taste of fish, I'm not so sure about."

The furtive, closeted nature of the Republican politicians' activities has also come in for criticism. "Bathroom gropers, glory hole cocksuckers with herpes sores around their concealed mouths, shadowy men in tight Levis doing unspeakable things in piss-stinking alleys and on massage tables that light up like Christmas under blacklight ... these things are all very well in their place. But those suits! That polyester! Dear God, can't they afford better tailoring?

"I mean, George Bush was quite the hottie in his younger years. Those National Guard photos, whooo! But let's be serious. There's kinky, there's perverted and then there's just plain sick."

• elusis "Schadenfreude, it's what's for brunch". The Reactionary Agenda, August 30, 2007

Comments

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

In airport toilets? But...doesn't it motion-sensor flush at inopportune moments?

[reddragdiva]

You use that to pretend it's covering up the moaning noises, dahling.

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

The uses of the Japanese flushing noise button are many and varied, now I have thought of the first one! (So icky Westerners can indulge their filthy habit of blowing their nose without decent Japanese people having to hear it)

[secretlondon.livejournal.com]

I'd love to use one - especially the vibrating, vulval washing attachments..

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

I never found one that had that. They had wash vagina and wash anus buttons, which were quite cool, especially when you find out what comes out of the other end when you eat mainly fish and rice for a long time.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

They had wash vagina and wash anus buttons

Seriously?
I'm not sure I'd trust a machine to wash those for me, y'know?

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

It's just a gentle jet of warm water aimed in vaguely the right direction, no brushes or anything are involved! I thought about using both at once to see if it would wash my feet, but decided I didn't want to try and explain why I had my foot stuck down the toilet to hotel porters in Japanese.

[secretlondon.livejournal.com]

There is a loud garden party outside. Well spoken camp sounding men have been singing "We are sailing" and "Rule Britannia". Earlier we had Elton John and Kiki Dee.

You can make a man gay, but you can't give him taste.