Robert Jordan gets away with it.

[reddragdiva]

MORDOR, Monday (UNN) — Rainforest destruction legend Robert Jordan has successfully evaded paying off the advance on what was originally a four-page satire of ridiculous fantasy clichés, The Wheel of Time.

The epic originated as a piece of semi-amusing cubemail circulating on a private mailing list for writers bored with their day jobs. "But I just kept adding and adding to it," Jordan confessed years later. "Then someone snuck it into an Eye Of Argon reading session. And the idio— I mean, tasteful and discerning consumers of science fiction and fantasy loved it! They couldn't get enough of it! Certainly more than I could be bothered with, anyway. If only I could find the Caribbean island Elvis, Jimi, Janis and Kurt are hiding out on ..."

The process of writing was reflected in the work. "You get long, stringy drips of various elements. All recycled. Then you weave them together. We thought of using a wiki, but people kept putting Pokémons in. 'My Pokemans, let me show you them.' Idjits."

Plaudits came in from fellow fantasy writers around the globe. "I always found plot and characterisation overrated," said master fantasist J.R.R. Tolkein. "They only get in the way of exploring a really interesting constructed language. The more demanding sort of reader can be so very tiresome at times."

"Bugger," said David Eddings, frantically casting his eyes about for fresh sources.

"Who are you, and where did you get this number?" said Neil Gaiman.

Readers will be over the moon to learn that Kevin J. Anderson has contracted to finish the series in a suitable manner. "I figure there's another twenty, thirty books needed to finish it properly. Lotta unanswered questions, yeah. I should have 'em done by next Thursday."

Woolheaded shepherds the world over fold their arms beneath their breasts, tug at their braids, smooth their skirts and bow their heads today, and remember Jordan's wise words:

"Plagiarism Research is lighter than a feather; advances already received, heavier than a mountain."

• Kevin J. Anderson "The Advanced Scientific Hover-Chair of Time". Asspounding Science Friction, September 17, 2007

Comments

[sclerotic-rings.livejournal.com]

C'mon. You already know that Elvis, Jimi, Janis, and Kurt are in the Roy Orbison Celebrity Rehab Clinic and Retreat in Sheepdip, Wyoming. (Considering that my old company got a call from Terry "Shanarra" Brooks with him screaming up a storm about how DARE he have a utility payment declined due to insufficient funds on his card, I expect that he's the next bad fantasy writer to appear at the ROCRCR, conducting charm classes with Sid Vicious and G.G. Allin.)

[greylock.livejournal.com]

That is very unfair to The Eddings. There came first. :)

Woolheaded shepherds the world over fold their arms beneath their breasts, tug at their braids, smooth their skirts and bow their heads today,

A work of genius.

[flowerysong.livejournal.com]

Plus, nowadays Eddings mainly steals from his own old stuff.

[greylock.livejournal.com]

Damn, I wish I'd typed that.

It's true, too.

It's actually stopped me buying their books.

[reddragdiva]

The only winning move is not to start.

[greylock.livejournal.com]

Oh, I enjoyed the Belgariad as a 13-year-old. By the time the Mallorian came out (by book three I think) he was admitting his was riffing his earlier work.

[tcpip.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I also must renew my subscription to Asspounding Science Fiction.

[benton.livejournal.com]

Oh thank $DIETY.

I couldn't handle another VLFN(1) from that source. I couldn't read them finding them insufferably dull, but the fellah read them and so there is a stack of them causing one of our bookshelfs to groan under its weight.

(1) Very Large Fantasy Novel. 600 pages? Nay. 1000 pages? You're getting warmer. 1200 pages? Mais Oui, Oo la la!