Plastic age.

[reddragdiva]

Wanting to shag the lift's voice is perfectly normal. It's like the sexay plummy accented dominant woman talking for the GPS. I'm sure there's a whole world of bad GPS/Lift slash just waiting to make people want to spork their eyes out.

courtesy hieroglyphe, who now has some idea what she's in for

Comments

[incy.livejournal.com]

do you think they record them well wearing thigh high leather boots? :)

[reddragdiva]

"After two hundred metres, turn left. Left! You worm."

[bellinghman.livejournal.com]

We have had the opposite thoughts, while idly considering the multiple voices available for a friend's GPS. She prefers to use the Australian voice (called Karen, which causes some confusion, since our friend is also called Karen).

Anyway.

If you've ever driven on Irish roads, say down in the Wicklow Mountains, you'll know that there's a fairly relaxed attitude to navigation. Signposts are fairly optional - if you've been told that a destination is down a certain road, there won't be reminders at the cross roads, not unless you need to turn there. So you can pass junction after junction with no sign visible.

We've been day dreaming about an equivalent Irish voice:

"You might want to think about turning left soon"

"No, I meant the other right"

"Ah, you seem to have missed the turning. Well, you didn't really want to go there anyway, now did you?"

[i-beloved.livejournal.com]

I thought it was Arkady who's supposed to be having the weird cravings.

[horngirl.livejournal.com]

Speaking of, have you seen this? (http://www.msdewey.com/)

[kimkali.livejournal.com]

Oh my. Interactive talking search engine!!!!!!
Oh my.
Oh my.
Dude!!!!!!
Oh my.
It's like procrastination that talks back!

[hairyears.livejournal.com]

There's a cure: Thistle Hotels in London have a stereotypically flat and nasal 'Womfud' girl. All it needs is 'Innit?' at the end of every announcement and "Stan' clear uv the bleedin' daaaawwws."

[reddragdiva]

And the ones in Covent Garden tube are definitely contraceptives.

[baljemmett.livejournal.com]

Hmm, so nipping up the stairs is not only a sure-fire way to avoid the crowd, it avoids having one's libido crushed by dreadful announcements? Score!

[I haven't used those lifts in years; when _sugar_babe_ and I alight there, you will often spot me loitering on the street outside waiting for her to emerge from the lift muttering darkly about getting squished against her fellow lift-users. Hmm. I think I've just spotted an advantage to cramming oneself in!]

[hairyears.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes... The phonetically- cha-ha-ahahhh-llenged New England tones of Lloyd Grossman, plugging the local restaurants as we ascend to sunlight and the world of the living.

[valkyriekaren.livejournal.com]

I still like the pleasingly gung-ho, jolly-hockey-sticks tone of the Jubilee Line announcer.

[hairyears.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. The sense of wonder in her voice as she exclaims:Willesden Green!

[vatine]

Possibly-amusing trivia: The lift at Big Yellow Storage up towards Bow has the same voice actress as the fire alarm at work (tested slavishly every THursday). It's NOT a pleasant experience, elevatoring at the Big Yellow.

[hieroglyphe.livejournal.com]

courtesy hieroglyphe, who now has some idea what she's in for

Argh, the beads of sweat are running off my fevered brow!

[reddragdiva]

Here she is! And it's ALL YOUR FAULT.

[hieroglyphe.livejournal.com]

Yay!

[kimkali.livejournal.com]

Okay so now I am being tortured by the phrase "talking cock".
Just thought I'd share.

[reddragdiva]

The Vagina Monologues: "I say I say I say, my vagina's got no nose!" "How does it smell?" "FRESHLY WASHED AND SWEETLY FEMININE, YOU VILE BASTARD!" **thwap*

[phelyan.livejournal.com]

If it involved Moira Stuart's voice I'd probably join in as well.

Oh, and I nominate Hatty Hayridge as the voice of all GPS.

[cx650.livejournal.com]

I second that motion!

[hobbitblue.livejournal.com]

The average GPS makes me want to toss it out of the window, but the lift voice in Waterstones? Sounds like Joanna Lumley. Yumley :)

[sinibar.livejournal.com]

By pure chance, a good friend of mine provides the voice used for a number of "features" around London (not lifts though, AFAIK). Similar comments are made about her, aparently she has quite a fan club.

And now a moral dilemma

[prettyoctopussy.livejournal.com]

I'm sure there's a whole world of bad GPS/Lift slash just waiting to make people want to spork their eyes out..

*rubs chin thoughtfully*

I have the power to write some rather vivid prose...

Should I use that power for good, or for evil?

Re: And now a moral dilemma

[reddragdiva]

Bad evil, or worse evil?

apiphile wrote a fic with an actual sci-fi explanation for mpreg. THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH SPORKS IN THE WORLD.

Re: And now a moral dilemma

[secretlondon.livejournal.com]

Evil, obviously.

Does uncyclopedia have a slash fork?

Re: And now a moral dilemma

[cx650.livejournal.com]

EEEvil of course!

[dougs.livejournal.com]

Go to the fifth floor.
...
Fifth floor. Mind the doors.
I give the instructions! *thwap*

[ceb.livejournal.com]

Charlotte Green. *dissolves into mush*